2) Who has been the greatest influence in your life, and why?

Moving on to question number two... Why even ask this question to a group of eighteen-year-olds? This question helped me to get to know my students quite a bit. It showed me who had broken homes, good or bad parents, older siblings, significant others.... It was a glimpse into a part of their lives that they hold dear. But how would I answer this question?

Certainly, there have been many influential people in my life. I can list off several people who have had that intervention moment that I needed, people that God placed in my life at just the right time for just the right purpose. But who is the greatest influence in my life? Who do I pattern my very existence after? Who do I mimic, learn about, and aspire to be like? For these questions, there is only one answer. Jesus.

Why do I swim against the current of today's writhing and perverted culture? Jesus did that. Why do I strive to work as hard as I can, to do as much good as I can, and to reach as many people as I can? Jesus did. Why do I pray, worship, build relationships, and learn about my heavenly Father? Jesus did all that. I can't think of anyone that I pattern my life more after. And that, I would suppose, is from the influence He's had in my life. My heart has been changed because He owns it. My life takes a different path because He holds it. My forever looks vastly different because He's in it. If that's not influence, I don't know what is.

Now, of course, some may be thinking, Okay, but now answer the question for someone that is alive, in person, and involved in your life now... Okay, fine. The ones that qualify as some earthly influences would have to be my parents. Most of my traits are genetically or environmentally established from them. I watched them as I grew, and I patterned my actions based on what I saw. Even as a grown adult, I find great value in their opinions, feelings, and wisdom. I consult then frequently, and I aspire to be like them in many ways. And that's influence.

Influence can take many shapes in a life. It can be long term and sustained over time as a parent to a child. It can be momentary with lasting effects, a simple gesture, word of advice, action or behavior, that somehow changes you signficantly. It can be eternal in nature, effecting not only this life, but what is waiting on the other side. People have impacted and influenced my life in all of these ways and more, and together they have made me into who I am today as well as who I'm becoming in the future. I praise God for the blessing of active, real influences in my life everyday, whatever form they may take.

1) How's it going?

The time has come to begin answering the many questions I encouraged my class to answer each week during journal time in my class. The first in the series was simply, "How's it going?" I was amazed at the responses this question brought forth. It was not the typical things-are-fine response that I received, but instead, I was offered, from many of my students, a glimpse into their real lives. I learned who had girlfriends back home, who's family was messed up, who had made bad choices recently...

It amazes me the type of response such a simple question can elicit if asked in the correct manner. "How's it going?" in itself would usually just be something asked in passing, offered as something slightly more than "Hello," but with no real added consequence. You'll usually hear people answer, "Good." or "Fine." But rarely will people tell you how they are really doing when asked. Most know that that's not what the asker wants to hear.

There is a huge difference between, "How's it going?" (the type of question asked when passing someone on the street or when you first sit down together over a cup of coffee) and "How's it going?" (the type of question asked with intention to listen to how it's really going, asked with eye contact, care, compassion, and trust, the type of question asked in honesty and vulnerability). I am far too often guilty of asking the former question rather than the latter, breezing by people in life assuming all is well and perhaps I'll catch up with people later. But later rarely comes, and lives remain busy, and we just keep asking shallowly how it's going with no real intention of waiting around for the answer.

Okay, so I haven't really answered the question as I had originally expected my students to, but I think that I really want to focus more on asking (correctly) how things are going for the people in my life rather than answering the question myself. I want to be a part of their lives, and not just out here somewhere (sorry, you'll have to use your imagination of me swinging my arms around "out there" for visual assistance), but in close, where real life takes place, where emotion and honestly and vulnerability live. Somehow, I think that just changing the way I ask, "How's it going?" could potentially drastically affect the relationships in my life. So, next time I see you, I will ask how things are going with you, and hopefully you ask it of me, and let's have a real conversation about our lives, how God is working, how you are changing, what you fear, what you love, what hurts, what brings you joy... I want to know. Really.

One Last Lecture

Class, today I want to provide you with one last lecture. It's not out of the book. It's not even about reading and study skills. There are a few things that have been on the tip of my tongue to say to you all semester long, but I've often stopped them short of spilling out for fear you may not understand, or care, or even listen. But the time has come for me to say these things to you now because I believe that they are things that you need to hear before moving on to next semester or the next endeavor that you aspire to in your life. They're important things that will only help you in your future. They're little things that I've learned over the years that I need to share with you in hopes that you'll take them to heart and apply them to your lives. So, please, please listen up.

First, you get exactly one shot at this. Life, is, of course, what I'm talking about here. We get one and only one shot on earth to do whatever it is we choose to do with it. Now, whether or not you believe in a life after this life on earth, is not necessarily all that important to this conversation. It is important, but not to this point specifically. The point, whether life continues after you die or not, is that you still only get one earthly shot. You get one shot to choose to work or not, to succeed or not, to impact people or not, to be happy or not. And I truly believe these are all choices, not just hands to be dealt to you in a life-sized card game.

You can always choose to go through life relatively unnoticed, ineffective, and unproductive; or you can choose to go through life loudly, making impact where impact can be made, work where there is work to be done... Which is easier? Most likely sitting like the proverbial bump on a log will indeed be the easier choice, but is it the better choice? You have the choice, in this one chance on earth, to build a legacy for yourself. Legacy? What are you talking about, lady? I've never really been one to toot my own horn for the sake of tooting it (go ahead and get your snickers out...yes, I really just used some variation of the word toot twice, no three times, in one sentence). But I do want to build a legacy of love, caring, helping, and joy from my life. If anyone is to remember my time on earth, let it be for those things rather than the alternatives (hate, pain, sorrow, laziness perhaps?).Tell me, how do you want to be remembered?

Second, let's look at the bigger picture, the one that is beyond ourselves and our legacy of our earthly stint. Do you realize that you have the ability to change the world? What? The world doesn't work that way, right? One person can't do much...right? I don't accept excuses, as you know from class, so I won't accept any excuses about your inability to change the world. It works like this: if you accept the first challenge (choosing to build your legacy around the positive, good things of life), then you just need to start with one person. If you can convince that one person that they also need to accept this challenge, then you have, indeed changed the world. If someone like me can affect even one of you in this class to look at life a little differently, to change your perspective for the better, even just slightly, then I have directly had a hand in changing or altering the course of your life. If I can change your life, you can change another, and they can change another, and we change the world. Do you believe it?

Third, and this point relates back to the first point, I suppose, is that life is hard. It's true. Don't let anyone sugar-coat that too much for you. Being an adult is hard, and choosing a positive, life-changing perspective doesn't make it a whole lot easier. And it doesn't get easier as you gain any amount of newfound knowledge or profound wisdom. And it doesn't get easier with more money, more friends, or more possessions. But if there's one thing I've really learned this year, it's that hard does not always have to equal bad. In fact, I would argue that most things in life that are good are indeed hard, and many things that are hard are indeed good. It's in the hard things that we often learn the most valuable lessons, and it's in the learning of those lessons that we grow and change.

Lastly, use your manners. Really, lady? What do manners have to do with anything? Well, I would argue that they have a lot to do with a lot. Manners make your parents, grandparents, and people that are closest to you proud. Manners give off a great first impression. Manners will impress the ladies, men. Trust me on that one. Say please and thank you. Open doors. Give up your seat for someone. Say excuse me. Smile at strangers. And do it just because. I honestly don't even have any sound logic or profound reasoning for this one. Just do it because it's good and right to do.

Ladies and gentlemen, please don't waste your life away choosing to do nothing with it. Please don't leave the world the same way you found it when you entered it. Change people's lives. Change the world. Live passionately. And do good. Please.

And I hope that in this class that is so seemingly basic, so elementary and limited in scope, that I have taught you a thing or two about life, living, and things that are good...as well as study skills, reading comprehension, and vocabulary words. Know that when I look at you, I see the very future of this world (corny, I know, but it's true). Go forth. Be good. Class dismissed.

Class Questions

This semester, I asked my class to write in journals in class every week. I enjoyed very much reading these, so I thought that perhaps I would also write on all of the topics that were assigned. Here's the list I'll be tackling in the near future:

1) How's it going?
2) Who has been the greatest influence in your life, and why?
3) Why are you here?
4) What makes you happy?
5) If you were a dessert, what would you be, and why?
6) What is your biggest pet peeve(s)?
7) What are you most afraid of?
8) What have you learned so far this semester, and how do you know?
9) Write about anything.
10) What are you thankful for?
11) If I had a million dollars...
12) I am unique because...
13) The thing I do best is...
14) Right now, I want to...
15) How do you want to be remembered?

These were just fun topics that were selected for students to practice their writing skills, reflect on some good things, and participate in class. I look forward to writing on them all soon.

In the Year Two Thousand and Nine...

2009. Wow. I know I say this every year, but it sure is hard to believe that yet another year is drawing quickly to a close. But this year, I can sit down and write a whole new kind of year-in-review. What changed? Well, I'm not 100% sure, but one thing I know - my heart has been changed. Perhaps I have just grown older and wiser or perhaps God has been working on me all along.

For the past few years, I have been writing "I can't believe the year is gone" entries, testaments to the blur of the over-packed, under-appreciated, over-stressed days flurrying by, leaving me in some nearly unrecognizable state of exhaustion and exasperation. Over and over, I've vowed to "never have another year like this one," which is usually immediately followed by "another year like that one." There have been so many memories lost in the shuffle; great moments past by and viewed as only slightly better than survivable; smiles and laughter buried by worry, details, and to-do lists.

This year, I feel like I can finally take a deep breath, take a glimpse back at the year gone by, and take joy in how it has been spent rather than just how it was survived. Has it been any less busy than any other year? I would argue not, but I would argue that how my heart responds has been altered, or perhaps healed, in such a way that I am no longer required to just survive life. I can enjoy life.

Has this been the perfect year? Certainly not. Has it been without struggles, temptations, or hardships? No. Have I "enjoyed" every moment of this year? I think you can probably guess the answer there. But how dare I discredit the countless blessings of God with the trials and troubles that come with all of the good. How dare I focus on money being tighter than I'd like it to be, or working hours being longer than I want them to be, or my on-again-off-again battle with being a single twenty-six year old woman, or any of that. Sure, it's all been there this year, but is that what will define my year? How dare I let it come even close.

Look at all of the blessings (I wish I had a better word there, for something that feels even better than a blessing...), that God has lavishly given to me - material blessings, heart growth, relationships...

I have a home, a car, and a Master's degree, all of which I've somehow been able to afford. I have food, heat, furniture, all of which keep me comfortable on a daily basis. I have a job that is also a mission field, a vocation of highest calling to serve and glorify God in every interaction. I have friends, new and old, that I can rely on through the good and the bad. I have been given wise and beautiful, strong and faithful women, my mom included, that provide me with godly examples of how to grow and mature into this life; I cherish these relationships beyond words. I've been given a tender heart, one that loves, hurts, senses, guides...a heart that is so full of raw emotion, yet a heart that is somehow calm amidst it all.

Looking back upon this past year, I can't even really believe what has all transpired. I've done things I didn't know I was even capable of doing. I bought a house (seriously, wow), remained in love with my job, completed a Master's degree then nearly immediately became a college professor, made friends with my neighbors, got (at least little) healthier.... Wow. What a brilliant year!

Oh yes, this has truly been a wonderful year, one that can't even really be adequately wrapped up in any sort of year-in-review write-up. It can't be fully reflected upon or digested, despite my best efforts and intentions to do so. No, perhaps this year just has to be, well...enjoyed...just as it is.

Father God, thank you, thank you for the incredible gift of this past year. I sing your praises louder than ever for the many blessings, lessons, and gifts You've given to me...whether I deserve them or not. You've been working on my heart for so long, never losing patience. Father, I will tell of Your great works in my life forever. No one deserves any glory but You. I will boast and brag about You, and only You, at every opportunity. What a year, what a gift, what a God You are.

Lights

It's hard to believe that today is December 1st already. Time flies by so fast anymore. I've said it before, but time goes faster each year we grow older. Just about the time we learn to appreciate little moments and memories and the time we're spending, time goes by too fast to even remember. There have been several years of my life that have just literally disappeared. They're years that I can't remember because I was so busy doing things that I forgot to appreciate or soak up one single solitary moment in it all. But this year...ooh, this is starting to sound a lot like my traditional annual year-in-review post...which I'm not fully prepared to write as of today, so I'll get back to the point that I initially wanted to make.

It's December. Lights are going up on houses all over town (including mine). Trees are going up in front windows covered in sparkle, lights, and ornaments (including mine). And although it seems that winter is not yet officially upon us with the extreme lack of snow on the ground or even flurrying in the air, the excitement and anticipation of the coming of Christmas surely has been building anyway.

The lights on my house glisten bright in the dark, long nights of the winter season. But to me, they represent so much more than just a little extra light to brighten the dark neighborhood. On the night Jesus was born, a bright star led the way of the shepherds and kings that were called to the tiny barn that He was born in. Angels sang in the sky to the shepherds in their dark fields, no doubt lighting up the sky in a display that must have been simply unimaginable. The first Christmas night was filled with light as the Light of the World came to us. The lights on my rooftop, on my tree, and throughout my house are certainly nothing close to what the light of that night must have been, but they are, nonetheless, a reminder of exactly why we celebrate Christmas to begin with - the Light of the World.

So, until Christmas night, I wait in quiet anticipation for the night that represents the glorious night that Jesus came to us in the only form He could have in order to save us, a tiny, helpless baby. A baby, but still God. And although I probably won't see angels singing inspired songs in the sky or a brilliant star high in the sky, my heart is still guided, just as the shepherds' and kings' hearts were guided, directly to the Light of the World.