Bravery

As another academic year wraps up, I've been reflecting on what this year had to offer me, and even what I had to offer it back. 

As for what I offered to the school year, generally speaking, I brought a much calmer and more even-keeled professional (at least on the outside...most days). I offered an unrelenting energy, just going at it from all angles, at all hours, all days. There weren't many days off at work, in classes, or in all the other of life. August, October, and April tried to run me ragged, but I kept pace just fine without a single incidence of napping in the office break room, life threatening injury or illness, or even major psychotic breaks (though I will confess to at least one minor one). 

And what did this year offer me? Upon reflection, especially of events of the last few months, this year has provided me with a fair share of lessons. Some of the lessons, I had learned before like biting my tongue in the moments when it really counts, the value of not yelling at your boss, and the importance of relationships even when it seems there just isn't time for them. But the biggest lesson I was provided this year ended up being a bit of a theme: bravery. 

When I was offered a seemingly sweet deal to lead a new rendition of a significant program on campus, it took all the bravery in my body to look administrators in the eye and say no. I was convinced that the program wouldn't succeed in its current model with its current resources, and I'm still convinced of that. I cannot save the whole world, though I try hard many days, and this program was not mine to save. The necessity of bravery allowed me to sit in a meeting with administrators, articulate the flaws in their plan, offer suggestions (all without crying, mind you), then get on out of there. A year ago, I'm not sure I would have had the fortitude to hold my ground, but this year, I was brave. 

Very recently, I requested some institutional documents for my grad class and was promptly told no. I went higher (all the way to the president of the university), asked again, and was promptly told no again. I could have let it go, given up, and figured out how to study the documents of another school, but I believed it was important to continue to pursue those silly documents. So, I reached out again to the president and asked for a meeting. I did not fear meeting with the president, in fact, I welcomed the opportunity gladly. And after a half hour or so, I received full permission to use what I needed. I felt almost as though it was a test just to see how far I was willing to go, how brave I was willing to be. And I persisted and succeeded in bravery. 

And even more recently (Friday), Danielle and I presented a 20 minute presentation to the board of trustees. Most of them liked it. At least one of them (the board's president) did not. And although, at first glance, it seems that the most brave thing to do would be to stand there and object to his worries, defend the work we've done, but upon closer inspection, it is the opposite that perhaps ends up being true. I stood in front of the 40 most powerful men and women of the university, allowed portions of our presentation to be ripped open, made vulnerable, made to seem even a little weak or off kilter. And I smiled, took a deep breath, and simply said thank you. I can do that because I know that we will prove ourselves right and strong and better just by doing, not by arguing. This will be a long-term act of bravery, stretched over years of hard work.

As I turn the pages that end my forth chapter of work at UD, I look ahead with great anticipation for what brave and exciting things lie ahead. How will next year transform me as a professional, as a person? What lessons lie in store on the rest of the pages of this amazing book? I bravely turn the page...