Brokenness

Today's sermon was extremely timely (it can be found here). In fact, many things have been timely in my life right now...

The past few months have been filled with burdens, hardship, and an overwhelming sense of there just being too much to deal with. I felt in constant battle with myself trying to figure out life and how to balance everything. I had built up frustrations and all sorts emotions that I felt I was losing control of. What was I doing wrong? Life didn't seem this hard before. Not only was I frustrated with myself, I was beginning to get angry with God. God, why are you doing this to me? Can't you make it better?

But God never promised an easy life with Him. In fact, He let us know up front that this life would be full of trials, hardship, and struggles. But why? 2 Corinthians 4:7 spells it out pretty simply, "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." We are vessels easily broken to show that it is God and not us. We are completely and utterly dependent upon God.

So, I have been reminded today that the brokenness that I have felt, and others have plainly noticed, has not been in vain. It was a time to be used as a reminder, not only for me, but for others, that God needs to be in control. And, frankly, I'm thankful for the reminder.

The Fight

I wanted to run away. I wanted to yell, "No! Stop! Don't go on. I'll still pay you for the show if you just quit now." He wasn't funny. My heart was breaking as he continued on stage. What are we teaching?

Tonight's comedian on campus was, as you can imagine, somewhat less than wholesome, and I was embarrassed and crushed that that's what we ask our students to come and enjoy. All of his jokes were about sex, sexuality, appearance, race...every nasty and foul word in the book was said, even after I asked that he not use one specific foul word. We paid money for this? I am sickened.

On the drive home tonight, I couldn't help but reflect on how much damage had been done. We actually offered credit for a class for students to come to this garbage. I feel so ashamed.

As of late, I have felt more and more called into the position I have been placed. I was called to the University of Dubuque to offer what God has given me to change the world one student at a time. I have high expectations of students and try to teach them what God has taught me. It is a daily fight to get through to students who may or may not have ever heard the Word of God. And so quickly, so easily, it feels as if it has all come undone. All the effort, all of the prayers, all of the lessons. One guy can come and just seemingly undo it all.

The good news in all of this, however, is that Satan's power through this nasty little comedian is, at best, fleeting. God's power in these students' lives is eternal. So, although I am embarrased and discouraged tonight, tomorrow I come back fighting the cause that God created me to fight....because I know He can win. He has already won.

Political Apprehensions

I have to admit that this year's race to the presidency has had me a little anxious. I read up on the candidates, felt fairly knowledgeable on the main issues, and really actually had an interest in politics and the political process. None of those things made me particularly anxious. My issues lay in trying to decide what my beliefs are not who's beliefs I will follow. Sounds silly right?

I was raised a Christian girl, and I firmly hold to those beliefs, but oh, how I wish it was that simple. Take the issue of abortion for example. And please don't flog me for my opinions at the moment. I believe that abortion is bad. It's real bad. I would never - ever - have an abortion under any circumstance. But what about victims of rape or incest? How can I decide for them that they should keep that baby? Impossible for me to imagine the feelings associated with something so terrible. And think of the travesty that would take place for those that would get abortions anyway. The only place to turn when abortion is illegal is back allies or basements with unqualified surgeons...

To reiterate here, I'm not saying that I think we should make it legal either. That would give those with no excuse an excuse to end a human life. I know it's wrong, but....

See my issue here?

Here's another example. Gay marriage. Again, I don't enjoy public floggings so much, so please just let me throw some thoughts out there... Some states are beginning to recognize gay marriage and equal partnership for heterosexual and homosexual couples. I know that I believe that being gay is wrong, but didn't Jesus love people anyway? I know and love gay people. In my mind, there is a difference between a Biblical marriage and a legal marriage. On this issue, I'm actually pretty sure that I fall toward the allowance of gay marriage and gay couple rights. But is it right?

So, my head is convoluted with all of this right and wrong. Part of me thinks that this nation was founded on the principles of religious tolerance. Settlers came to this land wanting something more than persecution for their beliefs. Shall we now persecute those that don't believe the same as us? And part of me thinks that if everything is relative and there is no absolute truth, then we have nothing to stand on and nothing to fight for. Shall I compromise my beliefs and allow the nation to fall into a shallowness of anti-belief and relativism?

And let's not forget issues of terrorism, war, health care, the economy, employment, poverty, taxes....

So, I am anxious. I am anxious to see what our nation will look like when I have children and even grandchildren. I am anxious to see if I even get to keep my job or the pay that I get for the next year.

When asked on Wednesday if my candidate won, I simply responded, "Um...ask me again in a year or two; I'll let you know."