I've spent much of the last few years asking for more. More money. More responsibility. More dwelling space. More garden. More education. And I know beyond a doubt that there are seasons for more. And in the past five or so years, I've learned a lot about living with more. In fact, I feel like as I asked for more, God blessed me more. That is not to say that I asked for more money and He handed me excesses of cash, but rather if I wanted more responsibility, more work, more education, the avenues presented themselves clearly in order to receive more.
But humans have physical limitations. Oh, do we. And this spring semester, perhaps for the first time in a long time of asking for more, I have reached my limits. I work like crazy with a job filled with important responsibilities. I participate faithfully in the discipline of church and leadership there. I am nearly finished with my doctoral degree but have a dissertation to get writing. And I have a loving boyfriend who I adore. But, truth be told, I'm tired. With five weeks to go in the semester, I wonder how it's all going to fit, even for five more weeks. And in reality, it probably doesn't all fit.
So, my heart cries out with a different prayer, this time not for more of all of the things I've prayed so fervently for, but maybe a little less. For the first time I've really felt called to serve in ways that look like less even if they're really not. And for the first time, I think I'm starting to understand why. In my quest for more, I have actually had to experience less of many things along the way. Less relationships, less time for people I love, less community involvement, less personal reading, less physical activity, less reflection and prayer. These things are things God calls us to in life, taking care of our bodies, our hearts, and our beloved. And in my muchness, I have allowed these things to wither. Which has my whole person withering.
In order to experience more, perhaps for a while I need to ask for less. It's a concept that I hope I can move toward even in a busy season of life filled with muchness that can't be avoided for a short time. God blesses our hearts even beyond what we can know how to ask. And even through the stress and busy and muchness, He has blessed me with perhaps a bit of wisdom to feel the permission to ask for less. And hopefully I will soon learn that less really is more.
