Setups can be awkward.

Setups and awkward just go together. Even long before the official setting up takes place, there is a certain amount of awkward that takes place any time one of the setupee's gets brought up in conversation. And, since it seems to be the season to set Lindsey up with people (which I'm generally all for), there has been a fair amount of awkward floating around.

Before Christmas, a co-worker (who shall remain nameless) emailed me about some work related thing, but then mentioned in passing that she may bring her brother to the gala next year since he's such a great dancer...then proceeded to mention that he was single. This, of course, spawned a trail of emails about her brother between her and I, and frankly, by the end of it all he sounded pretty darn great. 

Today, she and I had a chance to catch up after the holidays, and we talked about all sorts of upcoming work things, and as she was heading out the door, I got up the guts to say, "So, what made you think to bring up your single brother to me in the first place?" "Well..." And then she proceeded to tell me all the great things about him (and he still sounded pretty great), but then she said, "But I'm afraid he's maybe too old for you." "How old?" "Well...40-some." "40-some? Or 40? There would be a pretty big difference for someone in their 20s." "I can't remember for sure...42 maybe?" Awkward pause. That would be, by far, the oldest guy I've ever gone out with. There's a good 15 years or maybe more between us....making him closer to my parents age than my own. It could be weird. It could be really weird. But it could be equally not so weird. I don't know. 

So, after some more talk of his life with several awkward pauses and no longer really looking each other in the eye so much, I asked a fairly critical question - was he even interested in being set up? She responded with an immediate yes, to which I asked, "By his sister?" Again, a pretty clear yes. I'm not sure I would put so much faith into my brother's set up choices, but maybe that's just me. 

After yet more awkward pausing...because really, at some point, what do you say in this type of situation? I wrapped up the whole awkward mess with, "Well, if it doesn't work, we all have a good laugh and move on, right?" I mean, I'd still have to work with the woman. "Right, right," she said as she moved closer to the door. But she left with full intention of making sure we met the next time he came to town. I hope he's into younger women.

So, after that fun little story, my question to my general viewing audience (parents excluded, as I already know exactly what you think of the situation), what do you think? Is 40-42 too old for me? Could we possibly have anything in common? Will it be weird? Am I too much of a kid at heart (or even just in reality) to date someone so much older than me? I am interested in hear opinions. 


Oh, a quick rundown of what I know about this 40-something mystery man: loves people, has worked for hospice, has MBA, currently has stable career, is a writer and has a background in theater, knows how to dance, is a great cook, has built homes in several Central/South American countries, has worked at summer camps for kids who have lost family members to cancer, has recently adopted a rescue dog, has never been married, has no kids, has "good hair"... Now, all I need to know is if he loves the Lord, attends church, doesn't smoke, and happens to like younger women.

Resolutions...or should I say, Resolutions?

I've never been one to make New Year's resolutions so much. As everyone claims this to be the year they lose 20 pounds, stop fighting with their little siblings, save more money, read more books...I often ponder just how many days it will take these people to break their promises to themselves yet again, and slink into the month of February with a real sense of New Year's letdown. Yeah, no thanks. 

However, there is a bit of a conundrum here for me. I am typically a pretty goal-oriented person, so it doesn't make a lot of sense that I wouldn't make new goals for a new year. But goals seems a lot like resolutions, don't they? Perhaps there is a way to set a few resolutions without clinging to them so tightly that disappointment remains inevitable when we slip up. Well, without further ado, here are my goals, desires, and yes, resolutions, for 2011, for whatever they're worth.

I want to be more kind, genuinely kind. I feel that it has become far to easy to walk by someone, even someone I know well, and just say, "How's it going?" And without even waiting for a response, keep on walking. I think it's easy for me to get frustrated with people, show it on my face, and act on it in my attitudes. I don't want to be fake. I don't want a plastered smile. I want my heart to be genuinely kind and loving to others. I want people to see me and feel a great capacity for love pouring out of me. How does one go about working on this, I wonder? The only great love worth emulating is the love of God, so I know that I need to chase Him, follow by His example, learn about Him more, and love Him more. 

I want to be more intentional with my friendships. It is so easy for me to fall into a pool of self-pity when the phone doesn't ring with weekend plans every Friday evening, when friends choose to do things with other friends... But maybe the problem is that I am not making the phone ring on the other end of the line suggesting weekend plans, or setting up dinner parties, or asking friends to come over for just some quality couch time together. I have great friends. I love them. But I rarely make an attempt to show them this in a real way. Not only do I want to be intentional with my time with my friends, I want to intentionally pray for them. Why do we only pray for each other when we have a great need like a sick child or an uneasy job situation? I want to share in my friends' joys and sorrows, lifting them up in prayer constantly. I want to learn from my friends. I have so many wise friends. I want to be able to say that maybe my friends learned a thing or two from me, too. I want no topic left unturned this year with my friends. I want to have more than just the "Hey, how's it going?" style conversations. I want to meet needs of friends rather than expecting them to meet my needs all of the time. I want to give of myself to my friends. I want to be intentional. 

I want to grow a masterful garden. Okay, so this one is not nearly as holy of an endeavor at first glance...but I want to grow a big garden full of veggies and fresh things far too big for me so that I can share it with neighbors and friends. Then I want to cook and create delicious things in my kitchen and share those things with neighbors and friends. It will be a great adventure in hard work, dirty fingernails, and experiencing the joy of sharing. 

There are so many other things that I would love to see happen in 2011. Read more books. Save more money. Get to know my brother better. Climb to 14,000 feet again. Meet my husband. Laugh more. Try new foods. Experience daily adventures. Get into grad school. Exceed work goals. Exercise a little. Travel more. Enjoy my sun porch. Dress my age. Sing from my heart. 

Ready or not, 2011.

A Year in Reivew: 2010

Another year. Where does the time go? I know I say this every year, but the older I get, the faster the years seem to go. After vows to myself to not let time fly me in a blur, it once again, certainly has. But this year has not been without its enjoyments and excitements, which far outweigh the disappointments and troubles.

I'm working my way through my third year at UD this year, and come July 1, as has been custom the past two years, I will celebrate surviving the work. And this year, the celebration will be big because I will have made it to the typical burn-out mark with no real sign of slowing down. Now don't get me wrong. Survival has not been the exclusive mode of work for me, as I'm still finding myself in love with my work, students, and colleagues and still very much view the whole deal as my very purpose in life. The next few semesters may take a slightly different shape as I have resigned from all adjunct work for the foreseeable future. I have enjoyed my semesters in the classroom teaching a class on citizenship and vocation as well as a first-year reading and study skills course, but they have been time consuming and draining, and I'm happy for the break.

I haven't given it up in vain, however, as I have plans for all of my new found "free time". I'm currently working on my application to Edgewood College for their doctoral program in educational leadership. This is a decision that I've been working on for over a year now, and it has not been an easy one. I'll be sure to post my letter of intent for the program as soon as I have it complete because I think it best sums up the reasons I finally decided to apply.

In my non-work life, I spent some time dating a very nice man living in Germany. We were set up by a dear friend, and we had a very enjoyable three weekends together and something like four or five months on the phone and email doing the long-distance thing. We talked some of the long-term and even marriage, a first for me, and although it didn't work out in the end, I don't regret our time together. I learned a lot about myself and how I interact with others. I continue to pray diligently for my future husband, whoever and wherever he may be.

Probably the most exciting part of the past year was the amount of work God's been doing on my heart. I've written many posts about bitterness, grace, gratitude, forgiveness, love, patience...I've poured into books, the Bible, mentors, and I feel that for the first time in years, I have truly grown and matured. And although I still have struggles (see the previous post as the most recent blatant example), looking ahead, I feel content in the Lord. I know there's great plan that my life fits into, and I want more than anything else to glorify God by living into that plan to the best of my ability...serving with my gifts and talents, honoring those around me, and loving God and people. I can honestly look ahead and say that I'm ready for God to blow my mind with His plan which is far bigger than my imagination can even fathom. Yeah, that's definitely the most exciting part of this past year.

As I look ahead to 2011, I am excited to see what God brings...not only to my life, but the lives of family and friends around me. He is such an amazing God. Happy New Year everyone!

It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone. (Eph. 1:11, Msg)

Another Single Christmas

"So, Lindsey...what's going on with you? Are you dating anyone these days?" Kathy asked while a big group of us sat around the table. We'd all had a little to drink which seems to make everyone a little more honest. "No, I'm not dating anyone," I replied with a smile. "Well, what is up with that?" she asked, somewhat jokingly. "What is up with that?" I responded, quite a bit less jokingly. And that opened up the usual line of questioning about what type of guy I liked, what I was looking for in a man, if I was okay with being set up...

After the service in the fellowship hall of my parents' church, Tracy walked by with her new baby boy. A kindhearted old man walked up to my mother and asked, "And when exactly will you get to brag over your grandchildren?" I'm standing right here, I thought to myself as my mom politely laughed and said she was probably still a few years off. Yeah.

"Well, it's either you or you next," Aunt Joan said as we all gathered in the kitchen for Christmas. "For what?" I asked. "To get married. It's either you or your cousin Ryan...although your cousin Jordan has been dating the same guy for a while..." How could I have forgotten?

Going back home, especially for the holidays, seems to get a little tougher every year. The realization that, yes, I'm still single, and no I don't have any babies yet, gets more obvious for me and more astounding for everyone else as each year goes by. After twenty seven Christmases of me having no significant others coming home with me, you'd think it would be somewhat less surprising for people. I know everyone means well, but they forget that as long as the journey has seemed for them watching me live this predominantly single life, it has been eternally longer for me.

I hate to think of anything else but Jesus' birth around Christmas time. But it seems this year, as in the past few years, that others aren't going to make it easy for me as I'm forced to remember just how single and just how childless I am again and again. Sigh. There's always next year, right?

Undeserved Thanks

Lately I've been struggling with how to best use my gifts...or perhaps when and where to use them and when and where not to use them. It seems like a silly struggle, doesn't it? But this past semester at work, it has seemed that my gifts and abilities are in high demand. That's not to say I've overly gifted in every way...how laughable. No, it's just to say that there are a few particular gifts that I have (organization of massive amounts of tiny obnoxious details, for instance) that everyone seems to want or need a piece of for numerous projects and initiatives. 

Today, I got an email thank-you from a co-director of a committee I'm on, and it made me feel terrible. He thanked me for my generous sharing of my gifts for our project, but I have been anything but generous. In fact, I've been downright stingy. I've been crabby, impatient, stressed, and whiny. I've complained about not being paid or paid enough, and more than once I've touted that certainly I am the only one who could do what I did for the committee. 

And now, with kind words of thanks in front of me, I feel like a sleaze. How could I act like that to a group of people that asked for the use of my gifts and to whom I accepted the challenge? When I signed on, I felt like the group really needed me, and I, frankly, wanted to use my gifts for them and for the project, but now I nearly resent the opportunity. 

But where is the line? Where is the line between wanting to use my gifts and abilities and not wanting to be taken advantage of? Perhaps I'm a little jaded, knowing that as a single woman, I am probably taken advantage of with expectations that I'll just be there for evening and weekend activities... Those who know me well often ask why I don't just say no when asked to help with projects. And frankly, I don't know...probably because I struggle so much with knowing how much is too much, where to draw the line. I want people to know that my services are not on sale. I'm not the bargain basement of miscellaneous services. I have value, a high value in fact, that I feel is rarely represented monetarily. But on the flip side, I don't want to be stingy with my gifts and abilities. I want to share them where I should for God's purpose. 

So there you have it. A single undeserved thank-you note has sent my head spinning as to how in the world I'm supposed to negotiate and navigate my own gifts and abilities. Any suggestions on how to sort it all out?