Wednesday, March 06, 2013

"Suck it up."

Today, I was being whiny. Well, actually the last few weeks I've been sort of whiny. I struggle some days with the routine that I've created for myself. Wake up early, work really hard, study really hard, go to bed late. Lather, rinse, repeat. Lately, as I've struggled to maintain such a routine, I've found myself getting increasingly down. Just tired. Just wanting a change of pace. 

Sometimes when we get this way, we maybe need to be this way for a while. It's our person's way of notifying the brain and the heart that something isn't quite right, that a change is necessary. And after getting it all out, or making a real change, we feel better. Life gets brighter. We break routine and move on. 

Sometimes when we get this way, God chooses to give us the "suck it up" talk. Well, maybe He doesn't actually use the words "suck it up." I don't remember seeing that exact phrase in the Bible anywhere recently. I feel like today I received a clear "suck it up, Lindsey," moment. Do I have a lot on my plate right now? Yes. Is the routine generally not a lot of fun? Maybe so. Did I ask for this life and the career and the school and the relationships that are all happening at once? Yes. Did I ask for even more than this? Yes! And why did I ask for more than this? Why did I ask for a crazy, tight, ridiculous, busy life filled with love and learning and working and helping? Because my heart knew it was me. Tonight, I received one more thing, one more thing that I specifically asked for, that I took specific action to receive, that I moved toward not away from. And it's my time to decide. Do I really want more? Or am I going to be a whiny baby that wants less? Less than what I'm capable of, less than what my heart craves? 

This is exactly what the Year of Go is all about. Not about pushing myself to the limits of human ability and sanity (though there's certainly enough of that, too). It's about being grateful for what I've been given. About pursuing opportunities then not running away from them when they actually present themselves.It's about not over-thinking, not over-whining, not fearing, not questioning... Just going. Sucking it up. And going.

I've made my choice. I'm not a little girl. I'm not an incapable, inexperienced, inconsistent wild flailer, freaking out at every little thing. I'm a professional. I'm good at what I do. I can handle more than I am handling now. And I invite it. Deep breath, it's go time.