Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The Idea of a Prayer Journal

I've been thinking about this for a while now. I've been trying to come up with the best way to go about it.... a prayer journal.

The idea sounds great. A prayer journal would provide me a way to keep track of all those people that I tell, I'm praying for you. It would even be a way to look back and see the real results of prayer, a view of how God is answering prayer, not only in my life, but the lives of those around me.

But the execution of it seem pretty overwhelming. Just to think of all the times in a week that I say, I'm praying for you...what does that look like in a journal? Does it look like the same things on every page for weeks? Or does it require me to look back and pray over all those different things until I know prayers have been answered?

Probably the most overwhelming thing about a prayer journal would be the fact that it may actually keep me accountable for all those, I'm praying for you's that I throw out there. It takes away the excuse to pray for someone or something just quick once or twice. A journal would actually make me spend some serious time in prayer, more than once, more than just quick.

And honestly, maybe that's what's missing in my walk with God right now - some serious accountablity in our relationship. The circumstances of my life right now have not permitted me to have a ton of accountability to others, although this is something that I am striving for, but that is no reason to lack accountability for myself.

So, overwhelming or not, I think that a prayer journal is good thing for me, something that will hopefully deepen my prayer life, focus me in, and realign my heart with God.

If you keep a prayer journal and happen to be reading along, feel free to leave me a comment on what you've done and how it's been working in your life.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Unwound

I love who I'm becoming. It may sound silly just to throw that out there like that, but it is so true. I never imagined that God would bring me to this point. A little less than a year ago, I embarked a new adventure that I felt led to with absolutely no idea where it would take me. But through the ups and downs that I'm sure I've talked about before, I have been transformed, a transformation that I can feel and see and enjoy (and hopefully others can, too).

I have unwound. Once upon a time I was wound so tight, you could have sworn I was a yo-yo or or a lawn mower with a pull-string starter. Wind me up and watch me go. I was a reckless force on a self-destructive path of perfection seeking, stress, and pent-up anxiety over all sorts of things. Now, although the occasional unjust moment can crank me tight for a few seconds, I am able to lay back and enjoy life in its imperfect messiness. And that's okay.

It's not that I'm no longer striving to do my best work or work as hard as I can; it's not that I've become lazy or nonchalant about life and my surroundings; it's just that...well, I can't even really put a finger on what it is... It just feels like once I was constricted and wound tight about everything, as if forced to run a race with a fifty foot rope tying my arms to my sides, and now that rope has fallen off and my arms are free...or sort of like I was free-falling from an airplane in a frantic effort to find my chute...and finally I found the pull and the chute deployed... I don't know...it's just a huge burden that I didn't even know I had has been removed from my shoulders. Blessing!

The best part of this transformation is that it was not something that I asked for specifically in prayer. It came because God knows me better than I know myself. How good it is to have such a caring God. And you know what? Even if no one else has or will ever notice my transformation, I know, and that's what's important. Whether evident to the outside world or not, I'm free.

I love who I'm becoming.