Unwound

I love who I'm becoming. It may sound silly just to throw that out there like that, but it is so true. I never imagined that God would bring me to this point. A little less than a year ago, I embarked a new adventure that I felt led to with absolutely no idea where it would take me. But through the ups and downs that I'm sure I've talked about before, I have been transformed, a transformation that I can feel and see and enjoy (and hopefully others can, too).

I have unwound. Once upon a time I was wound so tight, you could have sworn I was a yo-yo or or a lawn mower with a pull-string starter. Wind me up and watch me go. I was a reckless force on a self-destructive path of perfection seeking, stress, and pent-up anxiety over all sorts of things. Now, although the occasional unjust moment can crank me tight for a few seconds, I am able to lay back and enjoy life in its imperfect messiness. And that's okay.

It's not that I'm no longer striving to do my best work or work as hard as I can; it's not that I've become lazy or nonchalant about life and my surroundings; it's just that...well, I can't even really put a finger on what it is... It just feels like once I was constricted and wound tight about everything, as if forced to run a race with a fifty foot rope tying my arms to my sides, and now that rope has fallen off and my arms are free...or sort of like I was free-falling from an airplane in a frantic effort to find my chute...and finally I found the pull and the chute deployed... I don't know...it's just a huge burden that I didn't even know I had has been removed from my shoulders. Blessing!

The best part of this transformation is that it was not something that I asked for specifically in prayer. It came because God knows me better than I know myself. How good it is to have such a caring God. And you know what? Even if no one else has or will ever notice my transformation, I know, and that's what's important. Whether evident to the outside world or not, I'm free.

I love who I'm becoming.