Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Surprising Strength

I'm midweek through my annual mountaintop adventure in Colorado, and so far, it's been mostly good. I had one minor meltdown after a back road discovery was made; it was a literal you-can't-get-there-from-here situation. But with some quick thinking and a little luck, the trip was saved, and we've happily relocated to a new town. 

After the first day, I knew something was different than previous trips, but it wasn't until the end of the day that I knew what it was. Though I was typically slow on the start as we headed off into the woods with layers of clothing on, pretending not to be cold at 4:30 am, I discovered as we went that I had developed a new strength. It was partly physical strength, and after the first day, I noticed that for sure. After the second day, it was even more noticeable. Today, as I continued to encourage my dad up to the summit, it was profound. I am strong. My legs hold me upright and carry me onward in ways that they had not in previous years. Tonight, I know that I'm ready to go another three peaks in two days. 

But what is even more significant to me is not necessarily my physical capabilities, although exciting, it's the significant change in my mental strength. I was trying to explain to my dad how I knew things were different. And the best I could come up with was that I think people usually have two voices in their heads when they're trying hard things. One says, Give up. It's too hard. You don't really want to do it anyway. Is it worth it? The other cheers you on as if what you're doing is the greatest thing on earth. What you hear from that voice is, Yes, yes, yes! You're going to do this! You LOVE this! Yes!

Over the past year or so of running, I have learned that although running has its physical benefits, as displayed this week, it has given me so much more. I have learned over countless miles, good days and bad days, to push back the voice of defeat, the one that tries to convince you to stop whatever it is you're doing, and tune into the cheers of the voice that says I'm stronger than I know. 

Today, on day three and peak four of our trip, toward the end of the decent, I found myself, strange as it may sound, desiring to run down the hill. My arms came up to my sides and a slight bounce came to my step as we worked our way through the rolling meadow back to the trailhead. I was astounded. Where did this come from? This energy, this strength? The cheering voice in my head is getting louder. Perhaps it's time to get serious about endurance sports...

Wednesday, July 04, 2012

When God says wait (a post NOT about patience)

Surely by now, you are quite familiar with my issues with patience. I've written about them enough, and I certainly exude impatience through my very lifestyle. Tonight though, I am not going to write about patience. No, I'm actually going to talk about what I'm doing while attempting to be patient. Because my lack of patience isn't going away. But I think there's a far more important focus at hand. Trust. 

The specifics of the situation aren't particularly important to the lesson I'm sharing with you, though they are quite important in the grand scheme of things. And perhaps somewhere along that grand scheme, the details will all come to light, but the shortest version of the story is: God told me to wait. 

Huh? Yep. A situation presented itself that I desperately desired an answer for, and God told me to wait. Clear as day. Unmistakable.  

Wait. 

Really, God? I don't want to wait. I want you to tell me now. I want a sign, some sort of writing on the wall, show me something. 

Not now.

Mmmkay. Usually, like a toddler, I would press on for my answer in a fit. Kicking and screaming and throwing myself on the floor and all sorts of other unpleasantries. Usually, I would start setting up signs for God to speak through. Usually, I would panic.

But for whatever reason, after fitting for a small while, my heart softened. My restlessness quieted. It became clear to me that I wasn't supposed to ask for a sign. I wasn't supposed to rush to find an answer. I was just supposed to trust. 

Trusting God seems like a very Christian thing to do, doesn't it? How lovely. Of course I'll trust Him. Ha. Trust is HARD. Trust takes WORK. Peace does not come naturally with trust. I find I must seek out peace in the Word and through prayer when I'm learning to trust. But honestly, the more I draw near to God's heart, the more trust I have for Him, and the more peace I find in Him. Why is that so difficult to remember?

But you know, if the only reason to have to wait on God is because He wants me to draw nearer to Him, to seek out peace in Him, then amen and glory to God for that. This isn't a battle of wills, who can outlast whom in an ultimate game of high-stakes trust. In fact, I don't really think it has anything to do with patience or risk or stakes at all. No, this is about God's heart. And my heart. And the two being closer together than they were before. And for that, I will wait. I will trust. I will find peace. 

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Thoughts on Christian Music

It's sort of funny how my mind grabs onto one or two little tidbits of conversations or I read something on a blog, and I can't really let them go without sorting them out first. Honoring that today, I want to spend some time reflecting on why I listen to, enjoy, and sing primarily Christian music. It actually seems like a remarkably simple concept, but I suppose that even the simplest ideas sometimes need to be dug into, considered in new ways, and justified in one's heart from time to time. 

I started listening to Christian music probably around middle school, at the encouragement of someone at my church. Prior to being introduced to it, I didn't even know such a genre existed. The only music I knew was what this sheltered child heard on the shuttle bus back and forth to school each morning and afternoon. Looking back at that first introduction to Christian music, I remember being attracted to it not only for the sound (because arguably, I was listening to some pretty corny '90s praise music) but because my heart, even my young heart, immediately recognized something different about how the words impacted my heart. Regular radio music, songs of love/lust, partying, summer days, and whatever else, never reached into my life. They never caused me pause. But with Christian music, sometimes I would find and read the words over and over realizing that they meant something, they called to a part of my heart that loved God greatly. 

Fast forward to today. Christian music still does the same thing. When I listen, my heart is touched, as if God is sometimes speaking directly to me through the lyrics, even through the melodies and harmonies. Now, granted, Christian music is not always a gospel message directly, nor is it always even directly about God. There are songs about forgiveness, loving others, healing past hurts, having a good or bad day... Music is not the gospel. Music is not the Bible. Music was never meant to be these things. 

I guess, when it comes right down to it, I see music as a tool. A technology, perhaps. When I listen to Christian music, I am reminded. I am reminded of my Creator, my Savior, the cross and sacrifice made for me, about right living, being human, about great love. My heart is inspired. I desire to draw closer to God. I am emotionally impacted, moved to feel deeper. To me, music is a lot like murals or sculptures. A lot like visual representations of the cross. Like taking communion. Like a devotional book. Like a sunset or a rainbow. To varying degrees, all of these things serve as reminders of God's love. 

I don't know that there's anything inherently wrong with listening to non-Christian music. There's a lot of great music about other things. I enjoy this music from time to time, too. But I find myself becoming more and more discouraged about mainstream music. Increasingly, as I listen to lyrics, I realize just how many songs are representative of the world and what the world sees as acceptable. Drugs, extramarital sex, drinking, partying, hurting others or self, violence, hatred. These are things that I know are a part of the world we live in, but it doesn't mean that I want to dwell on them, to be reminded of them. If I have the choice, and usually I do, I am going to choose to be reminded of the things of God rather than the things of the world. 

There you go. A very long-winded way around a simple topic that just wouldn't let me go today. Thoughts? Arguments? Challenges? You know I like a good debate.