Surely by now, you are quite familiar with my issues with patience. I've written about them enough, and I certainly exude impatience through my very lifestyle. Tonight though, I am not going to write about patience. No, I'm actually going to talk about what I'm doing while attempting to be patient. Because my lack of patience isn't going away. But I think there's a far more important focus at hand. Trust.
The specifics of the situation aren't particularly important to the lesson I'm sharing with you, though they are quite important in the grand scheme of things. And perhaps somewhere along that grand scheme, the details will all come to light, but the shortest version of the story is: God told me to wait.
Huh? Yep. A situation presented itself that I desperately desired an answer for, and God told me to wait. Clear as day. Unmistakable.
Wait.
Really, God? I don't want to wait. I want you to tell me now. I want a sign, some sort of writing on the wall, show me something.
Not now.
Mmmkay. Usually, like a toddler, I would press on for my answer in a fit. Kicking and screaming and throwing myself on the floor and all sorts of other unpleasantries. Usually, I would start setting up signs for God to speak through. Usually, I would panic.
But for whatever reason, after fitting for a small while, my heart softened. My restlessness quieted. It became clear to me that I wasn't supposed to ask for a sign. I wasn't supposed to rush to find an answer. I was just supposed to trust.
Trusting God seems like a very Christian thing to do, doesn't it? How lovely. Of course I'll trust Him. Ha. Trust is HARD. Trust takes WORK. Peace does not come naturally with trust. I find I must seek out peace in the Word and through prayer when I'm learning to trust. But honestly, the more I draw near to God's heart, the more trust I have for Him, and the more peace I find in Him. Why is that so difficult to remember?
But you know, if the only reason to have to wait on God is because He wants me to draw nearer to Him, to seek out peace in Him, then amen and glory to God for that. This isn't a battle of wills, who can outlast whom in an ultimate game of high-stakes trust. In fact, I don't really think it has anything to do with patience or risk or stakes at all. No, this is about God's heart. And my heart. And the two being closer together than they were before. And for that, I will wait. I will trust. I will find peace.
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