Undeserved Thanks

Lately I've been struggling with how to best use my gifts...or perhaps when and where to use them and when and where not to use them. It seems like a silly struggle, doesn't it? But this past semester at work, it has seemed that my gifts and abilities are in high demand. That's not to say I've overly gifted in every way...how laughable. No, it's just to say that there are a few particular gifts that I have (organization of massive amounts of tiny obnoxious details, for instance) that everyone seems to want or need a piece of for numerous projects and initiatives. 

Today, I got an email thank-you from a co-director of a committee I'm on, and it made me feel terrible. He thanked me for my generous sharing of my gifts for our project, but I have been anything but generous. In fact, I've been downright stingy. I've been crabby, impatient, stressed, and whiny. I've complained about not being paid or paid enough, and more than once I've touted that certainly I am the only one who could do what I did for the committee. 

And now, with kind words of thanks in front of me, I feel like a sleaze. How could I act like that to a group of people that asked for the use of my gifts and to whom I accepted the challenge? When I signed on, I felt like the group really needed me, and I, frankly, wanted to use my gifts for them and for the project, but now I nearly resent the opportunity. 

But where is the line? Where is the line between wanting to use my gifts and abilities and not wanting to be taken advantage of? Perhaps I'm a little jaded, knowing that as a single woman, I am probably taken advantage of with expectations that I'll just be there for evening and weekend activities... Those who know me well often ask why I don't just say no when asked to help with projects. And frankly, I don't know...probably because I struggle so much with knowing how much is too much, where to draw the line. I want people to know that my services are not on sale. I'm not the bargain basement of miscellaneous services. I have value, a high value in fact, that I feel is rarely represented monetarily. But on the flip side, I don't want to be stingy with my gifts and abilities. I want to share them where I should for God's purpose. 

So there you have it. A single undeserved thank-you note has sent my head spinning as to how in the world I'm supposed to negotiate and navigate my own gifts and abilities. Any suggestions on how to sort it all out?