Generational Leap

"Well, that's it. There's no safety net left." I heard my dad stating this at some point this weekend as we shuffled from visitation to funeral to Sunday church together after the passing of the last of my parents' parents. In a single day, an entire generation was launched ahead from kids to adults, and consequently, so moved all of the subsequent generations. My parents became the trunk of the family tree, and I went from being a part of generation child to generation adult officially. Now perhaps, for my cousins this generational leap was not so much of a system shock as they are a few years older, married with kids and such. Maybe they already felt somewhat officially like adults. Despite my establishment in a career, home-ownership, etc., I still very much feel like a kid playing in a grown up's world.

With the generational leap comes a whole new set of things to think about. Even though I am, in theory, far from having to deal with a parental death, discussions have already begun about business owning and selling, being aware of where all financial records are stored, who to call first to deal with all of the legal issues of death. And although I was curious, I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to think about it. Because even though officially, I have lept from generation child to generation adult, I am not ready for what responsibilities come with the leap.

It's strange feeling to suddenly be no one's grandchild. Part of me still longs for the security that comes with being part of the kids group. But the generational leap is inevitable. It's part of life. So much of my grieving process this weekend was not even about my grandma (although I will, of course, miss her terribly), but it was more about facing up to the fact that life and growing up and growing old are things that are just happening, and frankly, I am struggling with how to accept it all.

How did this happen? When did we suddenly grow up? One minute we're all tying the littlest family member up with jump ropes and playing kick the can or annie-annie-over, and then next we're paying mortgages, drinking coffee, and asking for weed-eaters for our birthdays.