The past few weeks at the university have been tough to say the very least. It's been a lot like being in a fight with a boyfriend. There has been frustration at every turn, and I walk away from this week feeling defeated.
First, after playing middleman between Admissions, the Registrars Office, and Technology. The reason for me being in the middle? Well, mainly because it was all my idea. (What idea, you're asking yourself...it doesn't really matter.) But I ended up smack in the middle, and the only way my brilliant idea was going to take off was for me to stay right there doing tasks that I frankly had no business doing. But, I took it as sort of a challenge, and I went about my additional work willingly and with a smile. But today, out of left field, it all came crashing down. One part of the department triangle decided that what we were doing can't be done, then the other starting asking all sorts of questions, and then it all collapsed. We would just no longer do what we were doing. The end. Crushing. I worked so hard for that, and one person can just cabosh it? Just like that?
And then there was the whole issue of my personal reimbursement. I purchased a significant amount of Visa gift cards with my own credit card for a student organization (about as much as my entire monthly paycheck). It launched an entire barrage of questions about the legalities of the whole thing and requests for more and more information, none of which I could really provide, at least not on solid truth. I tried my dutiful best to get that information, I really did. At first, the entire reimbursement was delayed a week (reminder: about as much as I get paid in a month), then it was agreed that I would receive a portion. Then the rest was delayed for three more terrifying, terrible weeks. I will receive the last of it tomorrow, but not without a whole armload of scoldings and warnings. So, even though I didn't do anything wrong, I certainly felt like I did in the end.
I feel terrible about how these weeks have gone. I love what I do, and I love where I get to do it. But the past few weeks challenged that love in a real way and caused me to question why and how I do some things. I no longer maintain a blind faith that my campus will always take care of me and have my best interest (or students' best interest for that matter) in mind. There is a new layer of skepticism that I don't want to be there, but as a matter of self-preservation, it will probably have to remain for a while.
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