Wednesday, October 26, 2016

The Year of Intention

A few years back, I started what has since become quite the tradition. I decided on my birthday to give the year ahead a name. I wanted to focus on a theme of sorts, something to keep me moving forward when I struggled, something to give me focus when I lacked it, perhaps something to blame when I wanted to cast blame. I'm not sure exactly. But this tradition has evolved into a self-fulfilling prophesy of sorts, not by some cosmic mystical accident, but because perhaps I want it to be so. 

My first dedicated year was the Year of Go. Leading up to this year, I was becoming envious of my adventuresome friends as I felt like a hesitant, almost shy, sidelines participant in life. I needed to give myself permission to move ahead confidently, knowing that I could embark on new adventures, deepen relationships, and cast of inhibitions that were holding me back. And from what I recall of that year, I did. A casual acquaintance invites me over for coffee. Let's go! A colleague asks me to try out a new project with them. Go! It was a life-changing year of experiencing depths that I just hadn't ever allowed myself to experience before. 

The years that followed were the Year of Celebration and the Year of Enough. Seeming opposites, and for good reason. The Year of Celebration brought into my life a marriage built on commitment, love, difference, and adventure; the completion of a hard-earned terminal degree through the defense of a dissertation I was proud of; and the growing of a new life inside me for the first time, an unexpected miracle that was the biggest celebration of all. I also spent the year centering myself by celebrating the small things in life, the daily gratitudes that welled my heart full. The Year of Enough allowed me to be okay with myself as I was. And while I still struggle with my enoughness, I have learned that it's a daily process coming to terms with your own limitations and being okay with them. 

And so this year, I move ahead, wanting to move from acknowledging my limitations to pursuing both my weaknesses and my strengths with purpose. I hope it to be a season of evaluation, of reflection, and of making meaning of the things I do each day. And for those things I can make no meaning of, this year will be a process of eliminating them, clearing a path for those things that do have value and importance in my life. 

It sounds so easy, you know, living with intention. But when I begin to think of all of the things I do without intention, without aim or purpose or goal, the task seems overwhelming. But these assigned annual titles are more than stand alone ideas. Luckily, they build on each other, making me a more whole person than I was the year before. So I will take the lessons learned from the Year of Yes, the Year of Celebration, the Year of Enough, and I will add those beautiful life lessons into my Year of Intention. I will move ahead fearlessly and without inhibitions. I will approach each day with a heart of gratitude for the opportunities that lie ahead. I will acknowledge the imperfection of my pursuits and my limits as a human, knowing that no process, no intention, no concept of wholeness or integrity is or can be perfect. And with all of that, I will pursue purpose and meaning and intention. 

One last note about the Year of Intention. Upon looking up the definition of the word intention, I discovered a use for the word I did not know existed. In the medical field, intention means the healing process for a wound. I find this new discovering to be a very profound way to approach this year. While I know that I certainly have wounds of my own that need daily attention and evaluation and care, I also acknowledge the great many wounds that surround me in those that I love, in those I encounter, in those within my reach. And maybe this Year of Intention is less about the healing of my own wounds and more about the purposeful pursuit of the opportunities to aid in the healing of the great many wounds around me. And maybe, just maybe, those processes are really one in the same.

No comments: