Reconciliation

The fallout. Something that men don't necessarily deal with in relationships. But most women have experienced this at least a time or two from their closest circle of friends. Something happens, and it forever changes the course of the relationship.

I, myself, have had relationships that have gone through their fair share of fallouts. With each fallout disaster, I usually tried with all my might to fix whatever was wrong with the relationship, to save it, restore it as if nothing had happened. In my mind, the only two options were to fix it or walk away from it completely. But fairly recently, I ended up landing somewhere in between these two options, not knowing anymore how to fix it and desperately not wanting to walk away but knowing that the relationship would never be quite the same. What am I supposed to do here in the middle?

The conclusion I've come to is that I must reconcile this relationship. I cannot live in limbo anymore. Miriam-Webster defines the word reconcile as follows:

1 a : to restore to friendship or harmony; b : settle, resolve
2 : to make consistent or congruous

3 : to cause to submit to or accept something unpleasant

4 a : to check (a financial account) against another for accuracy b : to account for 

The varied definitions of this word seem strange to me...restore, resolve, settle, accept, consistent, account for... Do these ideas even all go together? But in pondering this further, I realize that I need all the different definitions to really make reconciliation work.

I need to restore both friendship and harmony, for both parties involved, but in order to do that, I need to resolve some of the issues in my own heart that may have contributed to the fallout. I need to settle the differences between us in my own heart rather than wrestle with them in the space between us. In resolving this to myself, I then need to strive for consistency - strike a middle ground rather than living on the roller coaster of ups and downs. How nice to be able to enjoy one another consistently when I have settled my heart and can accept another's.

Doing all of this will require me to accept what has happened in the past for what it was...not to fix or change or ignore or fight these things - just accept them, unpleasantries and all. It was what it was, but it was, not is. That chapter is over, and I can accept it as over and okay. And, I do need to take account for my future actions, perhaps even find a way to be held accountable. How will my actions and attitudes continue to effect relationships in the future?

I must reconcile past fallouts in my own heart in order to reconcile them with others. Things may not be "fixed" or exactly the same as they once where, but that doesn't mean that things can't still be good.