On Inexperience (or Giant Training)

This morning, in a one-on-one meeting with a colleague, I was faced with a number of suggestions. A little brief context for what it's worth: I am responsible for developing and implementing two courses on campus, both of which have either taken a slow wander of the initial path or leapt off the path on purpose. Add into that the receipt of a grant, some new texts and tools to implement, and you've got one mighty challenge on your hands. 

The initial suggestion was that I pull together a committee to get clarity on the direction that the courses should be going in order to get the framework settled. Again, a little context: we already did that once, and I generally loath writing by committee. I expressed these things in response and was met with yet another suggestion: you create the framework, then present it to the committee. 

The suggestion was probably valid enough save for one thing. The committee of folks that would be pulled together have more years of experience as individuals than years I have been alive. They were the founders, more or less of the courses. I consider them to be the few and mighty that stand in a place of high honor and respect. Doesn't it all seem a little backwards? To send me, who is currently gaining some of her first experiences in the faculty world, into a room of giants with my ideas of what their course should look like? I think people around here exceptionally overestimate my abilities. 

But by the time I got back to my office, something started to sink in a little bit. People are indeed overestimating my abilities, putting me in risky positions of responsibility, directly in the shadows of the giants...because they trust me to do it. And upon further inspection of the idea, is there a better way to learn and grow as a professional than that? These giants are giants in their own rights, but they are caring, nurturing, safe giants who, just maybe, are working on raising up another giant in their midst. 

This particular juncture of my career life is incredibly rich and stuffed full of blessings that until today I was viewing as something equivalent to burdens. I couldn't understand why anyone would want a young-ish, inexperienced professional, still in the throes of her training and education, to take on things that looked like department head work, like experienced teacher stuff, stuff meant for those who have been around the block. But these challenges, these new experiences, these shadows-of-giants encounters are indescribably valuable blessings that are, in fact, preparing me for gianthood. 

So, does it make any sense for me to prepare and present something to the ones that really were the founders of the great things I'm a part of now? Certainly not. Will I accept the responsibility as giant training? With deep appreciation and joy. No longer will I quiver in the shadow of the giants, worrying about every little thing, attempting not to be seen or heard. Instead, from their shadows, I will look up, watch closely, accept criticisms, and allow myself to grow. How thankful I am for the giants around me who care little that I am not yet standing among them. How grateful I am to be given the opportunities to live in their shadows. 

Time to get back to work. There's giant training coming.