A very fast ten weeks have past of my maternity leave. A blur of feeding, pumping, diaper changing and washing and assembling. Lather, rinse, repeat. I'm very thankful for the time to home with my boys, as the blur has been exactly what they need - food, comfort, a present mama trying her best. But with one looming project left half complete upon departure, I sneak away from my leave and into my office, just a few hours at a time, when no one else is around. And it is weird.
In my absence, my biggest program came and went. And while it wasn't perfect (they never are), students arrived, moved in, were oriented toward their new campus experience, and got their start in classes. I stayed far away during this program's happenings, knowing that my presence would intimidate and shake those around me, and I'd be far too tempted to meddle in the details. But my first sneak back into the office after that program this weekend was were things got weird.
I pulled into my usual old parking space, walked up to my office using the usual back elevator, but the scene I had left ten weeks ago was not the scene I returned to. Despite not seeing a single moment of my usual orientation programming with flocks of excited and anxious new students surrounding my every moment, there were indeed students around. The cafe was full of loungers and diners, the sidewalks carried noisy clusters of students to their destinations. Campus was full and buzzing. Compared to the relative quiet of summer months, it was a stark contrast that I, perhaps, wasn't mentally ready to see.
But here I am, plugging away at those promises I made before I left. And at this point, I don't feel quite the load of guilt that I carried as I left. I did what I could. And I can finish the rest even as the rest of campus is already rolling on without me. I'll keep quietly working behind the scenes, where I prefer to be, finishing what I started before I start back up again on the next round of projects and promises in December.
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