An Effective Attack

I haven't had a week like this in quite a while. Oh, what a struggle it has been. I feel so defeated. My view of my very worth has been attacked from all sides, and what an effective attack it has been. 

The week began with an honest but unexpected conversation with a colleague that shook my confidence on a major project I've been working diligently on for nearly two years. I've been fixated on it all week, usually worrying myself all the way to worst-case scenario mode, occasionally spontaneously bursting into tears, trying to figure out what I've done wrong or what I could have done better, second guessing all of my effort. An unnecessary work-up to be sure, but that's how attacks work I suppose. 

Then yesterday and today, I worked diligently to try to protect a student organization by attempting to set up a meeting with another professional on campus. There were some things that just needed to be discussed professional to professional, and I really thought I was doing the right thing for the organization and for the professional. Three times in two days, I set up a time and place, and three times in two days I was canceled upon. I found out too late that the reason I was being canceled on was because this professional was going around me to speak with a student from the organization instead. Then this professional proceeded to speak ill of me personally to the student. So not only did this person's actions speak clearly of their view of my worth, but their actual words spelled out their view of my worth. 

And topping off the attack on my worth, my week isn't even over. I will quietly work a sixteen hour Saturday with students, something I will most likely even enjoy, but it will undoubtedly go unnoticed by most, not that acknowledgment is any real sort of reason for why I do what I do...

Look, the fact of the matter is I know that I have worth. But that knowledge doesn't halt Satan's ability to attack it. He knows that all it takes is a tiny fissure, a little crack in the armor, and once he finds it, he can pick at it and pick at it until I'm just exhausted, affected, hurt. But it's time to attack back. I have worth. And I can prove it. 

Genesis 1:27 says, "So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." How could I forget that God fashioned me after himself?  

Psalm 139 says: "You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely...For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb..." God thinks I'm worth enough to know everything about me. He dreamed me up and knows everything about me. 

Romans 8:15 tells me, "The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship." I am a child of God. I have worth because the Spirit living in me brings about my adoption. 

That is such a tiny start. Such a little glimpse into the worth that God sees in me. I haven't even touched the fact that Jesus died for me. He died for me. Because he loves me. I'm worth his life. His life fills mine with worth. So, take that, Satan. You don't define my worth. This week's attacks are temporary. They won't last. My worth in Christ is eternal. It will last forever. And because of that, I can endure weeks like this.