Today, I was talking with a dear friend who at some point in our conversation said, "You process and reflect more than any other human I know. Maybe you should just stop processing for a while and enjoy the ride."
Of course, you find me now processing the value and weight of this statement. Ironic.
Over the past few weeks, as I have struggled with lots of things like human limitations, managing chaos effectively, making and recovering from mistakes and shortcomings, I have had lots of thoughts about who I wished I was or was becoming. I wished to be more even-keeled. I wished to be able to control thoughts and actions better. I wished to be more perfect in my actions to live as a good example for others. I even wished just to be older to have more life experience.
But really, why do I want to be all of those things? Are they better per se than I what I have now? Do they make me a better person? Or will they make me react and think and act better? Probably not. They just make me different from what I am.
God has blessed me with a wild personality. With deep-welled emotions. With random life experiences. With a great, nearly uncontrollable passion and enthusiasm. He has given me those things. He has not made a mistake in creating me. He made me just as He intended. He made me. So to wish to have things that I don't have, to long for the giftings of others, well it's just silly.
There are reasons I act as I do...and for the most part, those reasons are good and pure. And in the times that I make mistakes, poor choices, negative reactions, well, that's human nature, and that's the very thing grace is for. God understands, or He wouldn't have created grace.
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