A Seminar and Some Ponderings

The life lessons never cease. Today's women's seminar at church was a healthy reminder of that. In fact, today was a really good reminder of those questions and subjects which I struggle with but often choose to push to the back of my mind.

The primary topic that was brought to the forefront today was that of singleness. I was hoping that the subject of contentment would be close behind, and frankly, it was supposed to. I attended a session called, "Single, Content, and Loving It!" It was presented by a wonderfully content and beautiful thirty-two year old single woman who was perfectly content with her singleness. We discussed a lot of things in the session, but the one thing that struck me (not as something new, but as something prevalent nonetheless) was the view of singleness to society.

Society looks at singleness as if there is something that is lacking, something missing, incomplete, or wrong. And although I know in my head that that is surely not true, I can't somehow get past that fact that I still feel like there is something missing.

How can I go about finding contentment despite of these unshakable thoughts? Do I merely fill my time as to distract myself from desires of finding my perfect someone? If that were any sort of logic, surely by now I would be thoroughly distracted enough to never notice my singleness. Between work, travel, grad school, spending time with close friends and family, and, oh I don't know...sleep, I am busy enough to miss a fairly major natural disaster or cosmic event.

Do I pour myself into close non-romantic relationships as to fulfill the basic human need to be relational? This could help, but I may need to find a few new friends. I have a few close wonderful friends, but they are as busy as I am, and we rarely get to spend a lot of quality time together.

Do I get a pet? No can do...too much travel and a historic apartment seem to prohibit that. Do I give up altogether and stop looking completely? The logic there is that once you give up, Mr. Perfect shows up at your door. And although I know that that has been known to happen, I can't say at this point that it makes any sense.

All I can figure is that what I need to do for now is continue to pray as I have fervently for years now and remember that God makes the plans and probably giggles at mine. And I've got to figure He probably knows better that I what I need in my life, now, ten years from now, and forever. So although I have still not reconciled my feelings of unfulfillment and general lack of something, I at least have pondered it rather that bottled it.

"...I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation..." (Phil 4:12) Now I only need to learn to apply it.

Education -- the Pursuit of.....

Today began a new class in my grad program: The History of Higher Education. So far this course has yielded some of the driest reading to date, but the texts do pose some interesting thoughts. In three chapters of descriptions of where America's colleges rooted from, the trend of the purpose of higher education is discussed.

At first, me pursued higher education in order to gain the knowledge of forefathers and philosophies of old. Ancient languages like Latin, Greek, and Hebrew were taught for the sheer purpose of knowing them...perhaps to speak the language of the angels. Education quickly took a turn toward service within the church or community as an educated clergyman or town leader. And following that, men realized that they could be quite prosperous and successful in the secular world. And yet following that, that college was less about learning and more about social experiences. Higher learning became a party, even in the 1800s rather than an enlightenment for the sake of personal, mental, and spiritual growth. (And now I am boring myself. Sorry...)

But now, as I struggle through the readings for this less than enthralling course, I wonder what exactly I am pursuing. My gut says for the money and success, as many could probably honestly admit. But as I look to my future, pondering what exciting things it could hold -- love, a family, community involvement, a home, a career, a mission.... I wonder if my reasoning goes deeper than just money and personal success. I have determined that I quite frankly enjoy learning. I don't do this work for a piece of paper, for a higher salary, or for the admiration of my friends (although, I won't deny they are all bonuses), but for personal, mental, and spiritual growth, just as the founding sons and daughters of the first classes, in the first colleges, of a brand new world.

So I apply this logic to my other aspirations in life. Why do I pursue them? Is it just for me? Is it for the glory of God? Or is it for show, success, and admiration?

A New Year Means....

2008.

It's here. Like it or not.

But what will this new year bring for me? What do I want out of it? What do I need? The honest answer to those questions is that I'm just not sure.

I do know a few things that I want, but these things, as you probably know, are completely out of my control. I'd love to find my great love in the world, and I don't just mean my man to marry, although if I had anything to do with it, it would be the first thing on my to-do list. I mean all of my great loves, those passions that are central to my life. Is it photography? Music and singing? Mountain climbing and the beauty of nature? I need....I need an adventure. Something new. Something to shake me up.

2008 excites me. After all, there can only be bigger, better things to come this year. No matter what path I choose, it's going to be a wonderfully exciting journey. And, for me, that journey starts today. And if you're reading this on Monday, Tuesday, or any day, the same holds true. My journey still starts today.

Things Don't Bake if the Oven Ain't On

Wise Proverb for the Day:

When trying to make a pasta bake, one should always turn on the oven first. Without the first step, not much progress will be made.

Chicago in December

Well, without making anything any sort of official, it seems that I have survived my first trip to the Chicago area. (I'm not home yet, thus the hesitance in officiality). Turns out, it didn't kill me. And, dare I say, I even maybe like it down here? We'll have to see what next semester's travels contain.

But until next semester, as soon as I get home tomorrow, I am done with my travels until February or so. Yay! I am thoroughly looking forward to nights on the couch and finishing up my current grad class.

Today it started to snow, and I am desperately hoping that I can actually get home tomorrow. I do, after all, have a big Christmas show coming up! Anyone looking for tickets to Evening in December, please let me know, and I'll pick some up for you.

Well, short and sweet for tonight.

56.7

I almost ran away today. Never have I been more tempted.

As I sat in front of Manchester's high school, I hit the favorites key on my GPS. On my favorites, I have three locations: Home, Parents, and UWP. And wouldn't you know that Manchester's high school exactly 56.7 miles from UWP and Parents? Exactly.

At first I found it extremely strange, but then I came to a crossroads. Do I go back to work as I am supposed to today? Or do I face west and run away fast?

*Sigh*

Needless to say, to make my boss and the student ambassadors happy, I did the right thing and headed back to work. And here I am, accomplishing not too much, for the next hour or so. Next time, I think I'll choose to run away.

Only a Fool

After ridiculing a man in my apartment building for getting locked out of his apartment and wasting a whole evening of mine, I now feel a bit foolish. After all, Sunday mornings are no fun when one locks themselves out of their apartment, and thus, out of their car, and is, quite frankly, stuck.

I am not sure what's happening to me. I feel like I'm falling apart at the seams a little. Prior to this year, I had never, not even once, locked my keys in my car. This year: three times. And I have never, prior to Sunday, locked myself out of my own house. I am the careful one. I am the one who jingles my keys in my hand before pulling the door shut, just to make sure I've got them. I'm the one who has elaborate systems to keep myself from ever even having the chance of being locked out of anything. For instance, typically, I have my car keys in a ridiculously secret and hard to get to location on the outside of my car. (Really, you'll never find them....) This is so that, in case my car keys would happen to be left inside, I always have a way in to retrieve them. And I have my spare apartment key inside the car, so that if my keys were to be locked anywhere, I have a way to get into the car and thus into the house.

The system broke down.

The only loophole to this nearly perfect system is, if, by some rare chance, one were to be locked out of the car and retrieves the secret outside car keys to redeem themselves, but then does not return the spare to its proper home, and then, by an even rarer chance, locks themselves out of the house, therefore having access to no keys, well then, one then has quite the predicament to solve.

But as it turns out, and you don't need to spread this around to, I don't know, car thieves, it takes more time to bend open a hanger than it does to break into my car from the outside. So, within a few seconds after church, once I had access to a wire hanger, I was back in my house, and my car, with few tears or sweat drips.

Only a fool....only a fool like me....

The Yin and the Yang of Things

Warning: The following post will be nearly impossible to comprehend in the context of my life prior to today. Please read with caution.

Tonight I had a dining experience like none other. I ate sushi. I tried to warn you. I know...it doesn't make any sense when thinking of the amount of risk I'm usually willing to take in my everyday life. And perhaps the more impressive fact of the matter is that I actually liked it. And, if the opportunity presented itself, I think I'd eat it again. Crazy, I know. I'm still reeling.

Don't worry, now. I did not attempt this feat on my lonesome. I met an old peer advisor that is now in the Appleton area who is possibly the riskiest and most random person I know. He, of course, suggested the whole sushi experience. Entering the restaurant was a mystery of itself. The entrance to the parking lot faces the back of the building, which frankly slightly resembled a pole shed. Entering the front doors (finally), the atmosphere was actually very nice, but I felt like I had entered the set of a movie. The booths for each group to sit in were wide rails of sorts that you had to climb over to get to the table. And our waitress was about the most helpful person I had ever encountered in a strange place (scoff). We were left alone to our own devices with a sushi menu and our own imaginations.

I, wisely, chose the Beginner's Platter, a mild array of fairly standard sushi rolls with standard raw fish, shrimp, veggies, sauces, and the wonderfully sticky rice to hold it all together. There was one little piece of sushi that had an entire giant shrimp tail sticking out the top of it. (Fright!) But I dove in head first and tossed a piece in my mouth....which was promptly followed by the rest of the tray (with the exception of that giant shrimpy tail).

After a few rolls, I was pleasantly full. It wasn't that nasty sort of stuffed-myself-with-harmful-fatty-things type of full, but rather a I-think-I-did-something-good-for-myself good. I had no idea that raw fish could make you feel like that.

Overall, I enjoyed my sushi experience at the Nakashima of Japan. Who will join my on my next random food quest? Will it be you?

Ironic

As I sit here tonight in my Appleton hotel room, I am doing what I usually do in the evenings on the road: watching tv. Tuesday nights are always Biggest Loser followed by SVU nights. And although tonight I did make some attempt at working out (me and a treadmill made two slow miles), I managed to watch an entire episode of Biggest Loser while eating half of a medium cheese pizza and a whole order of breadsticks. Yeah, that's right.

And, here's something to impress your friends with: did you know that Americans consume 700 million pounds of peanut butter a year? That's enough to cover the floor of the Grand Canyon. (Says Biggest Loser trivia.) And we Americans also spend 14 billion dollars on dietary supplements each year. Maybe it's because we watch Biggest Loser while crashing our way through a Domino's order.

Victory Shopping....Not So Victorious

Once upon a time, I really did like shopping.

Tonight I thought that shopping as a victory lap of sorts to celebrate my new promotion of sorts was a great idea. I started at my favorite store, The Gap. While talking to my mom on the phone I managed to accumulate a huge armful of items to try on. After a few minutes in the dressing room, I walked away from the store empty-handed. And that was just the start.

After two hours of meandering around a giant mall, I had only purchased a pair of sale rack shoes from Payless. Lovely. I was fully expecting to blow a lot of money today, and, frankly, that mood doesn't strike very often. Let's fact it: I'm pretty much a cheapskate. New job, new year, why not spend a crapload for a change? But alas, no such luck tonight. Just shoes.

But I did manage to purchase the largest possible latte from a Gloria Jean's to make me feel better. And better I felt indeed. However, in order to feel truly and fully better, I feel that a rather large and lengthy internet shopping binge is on the verge. Now my only predicament, where to start...Victoria's Secret? Gap? Zappos?

MUD Creek Coffee

So, this one threw me for a loop. Today I started my morning in a small town called Stockbridge, with a population of 600 or so. As usual, I was just a few minutes early, so I decided to explore the town a bit to see what there was to offer. About two blocks from the school I saw a peculiar sign on the ground that said, “MUD Creek Coffee Drive-Up Open.” Now, the concept of drive-up coffee shops is not a new one to me, but for a small town, it is nearly unheard of.

After I visited with one very nice student at Stockbridge, I decided to check out the MUD Creek first-hand. To my surprise, this was no ordinary old-timer’s-small-town-hole-in-the-ground. It was an actual coffee shop…with personality, atmosphere, acoustic and alternative music, WiFi, and frankly delicious coffee. It had the feel of a downtown, big city shop. The walls were dark and warm, the lights were dim, and there was a variety of seating options: booths, tables, cozy loungers by a fireplace. Weird. I ordered their seasonal special, a 20 oz. pumpkin pie latte and a pastry.

I took it to go, and as I drove, I nearly stopped on the side of the road at the first taste. What a latte! It was strong but not the least bit bitter, sweet, but not too sweet, thick, creamy, and that perfect hot-but-not-too-hot temperature. I would highly recommend that anyone in the Stockbridge area to check this place out. In fact, I’m marking it on the map as a serious spot to return to (just of the coffee shop).

This shop inspired me, once again, to start thinking about starting a coffee shop of my own someday. MUD Creek was a perfect example of what I would do with a small-town shop.

On a completely unrelated note, you know what I’ve been thinking a lot about lately? Broadband. That’s right, broadband internet. You know, that kind of internet you can access from a hole, a pond, etc. (for those of you who have seen the TV commercials). How nice it would be to be able to check my email, update calendars, and look up things like phone numbers from the front seat of my car. Until then, its evening work and a lot of copy and paste action.

Baby Its Cold Outside

There is a distinct chill in the air. The wind blows with the whispers of winter on its way. Or maybe the wind is shouting. Today the gusts were over forty miles per hour. And for a short time, oh how I dread even bringing myself to say it, it snowed.

The chill in the air is not the bitter below-zero temperatures one experiences in the dead of a Wisconsin December. In fact, I don’t believe the temperatures even dared to fall below freezing. But there was just something about that wind that chilled a person to the core. Perhaps it is the mere thought of the horrors awaiting us in the ominous clouds of the future, the dreaded snow that will soon torture us all. Somehow just the thought of it makes me cooler, even now, in the warmth of my hotel room and sweat pants. Or perhaps it is just because it is the first of the cold winds for the season that makes us shiver. There seems to be a getting-used-to time that we all require to adjust to winter, and for me, that must have started today.

My gas tank of the bright blue Ford Taurus that I spend much of my life in these days ran tragically low this morning as I trekked from town to town. The idea of forty mile per hour winds did not entice me to step even one foot out of the car today either, but I knew I’d never make it all day without filling up. Have you ever filled up a gas tank with forty mile per hour winds blowing in your face? It was a challenge from start to finish. I staggered and stammered around the pump for a few minutes until finally the tank was full. Then I immediately sprinted inside to grab the warmest thing I could think of, a cup of gas-station-quality coffee. As soon as I had it paid for, I forged back into the tundra-like atmospheric conditions and directly to the driver’s seat.

A large gulp of hot coffee quickly warmed my entire body, but, as it turned out, I was a little over-eager to drink. And after the warmth quickly faded away, all I was left with was a scorching fire on every surface of all of my digestive organs. My mouth, my throat, even perhaps my stomach were burnt to a crisp. I guess there is a perfectly logical reason to the “Caution-Hot” warning on all Styrofoam coffee cups after all.

So, here’s to the start of that evil, uncomfortable, dangerous season we like to call winter….and to many more scorching hot coffee gulps to come.

New Year, New Do

Twenty three has officially come and gone. And looking back, it was a good year. But I see even better things for twenty four. And I've started off my new year with a new do. Chopping eleven or so inches of hair was just what I needed. (There may be photos soon. We'll see.)

Here are a few predictions for the year to come:
-This is the year I will meet that special someone...hopefully.
-There could possibly be a big move in my future...who knows.
-I anticipate purchasing a new car...if I can get the money together
-I need to start investing in my retirement...also a money issue.
-I want to travel for fun for a change...look for me in the mountains.
-I will climb a 14000 mountain...ready Dad?

Well, that's a start. Ready or not, twenty four, here I come.

Bzzzz.....

You know what's fun? Having an apartment (that I used to love a lot) infested with hornets. (Loving it a little less.) And even after the landlord comes and "takes care of it" I'm still killing them. He says they are living in the walls. Great.

You know what's even more fun? The nightmares of hornets crawling on me or flying around my face. Maybe when it snows I'll feel better.

A Bit of Perspective

A few wise people recently gave me a tape of a sermon that they insisted that I listen to. At first I wasn’t sure why they were so insistent, but then I stopped and looked around.

I have been grumpy. Really grumpy. And what for? A number of things have been weighing on me as of late, including traveling, the office, the chaos of my house….a few little things. These things have affected my happiness, but somehow, they managed to affect more than that.

Happiness, as a matter of clarification, comes primarily from external circumstances, events, and such. Things like making my house clean, making people happy, and spending time with friends make me happy.

Joy, however, is something completely different. Joy is internal. It should not be affected by the external things that happiness is so often tossed around with. Joy sits in that place in your heart where hope and love live. And much like hope and love, joy is one of those things that is much too easily forgotten somehow. We forget where it comes from, or rather Who it comes from, and what it feels like.

So, I have decided, thanks to those wise people and that little sermon tape, that it is time to get a grip on life’s perspective. No matter how crummy a job or office dynamic becomes, or how messy a home becomes, or how long a week is on the road. Throughout it all, I still have joy. With joy in the forefront, these crummy things just aren’t so bad. They can’t be. With a heart of joy, even the worst situations can viewed as positives.

Now, I won’t claim that this new perspective will take place overnight. It is not so easy. This will take some thought and persistence. In a world where joy is not even a recognized emotion, I will need to strive to make it central to my life. Think about it. Even if things aren’t great, they could still be good. And I’d really like for my life to be good again…joyful.

Morning Glory Coffee and Conversation

Oh West Bend…

I had to pick the hottest grandparent spot in the whole town. Morning Glory looks from the outside like a quiet, cozy shop to sit and get some work done, but not so much. There wasn’t much atmosphere, except the music was nice. Low jazz tuned hummed in the background of 25 or so hard-of-hearing chatters.

No credit cards were accepted….I have to write a check? Hmmm. No high speed internet….and of course I took the time to start up my computer and then proceed to sit there like an idiot wondering what to do without being connected.

Needless to say, I was slightly disappointed in my find and won’t plan to make a repeat visit. The smell of old-person perfume masked the aroma of the coffee that I smelled outside. But I’m in luck. There are several other places around the area that look better. Maybe tomorrow I’ll venture to the St. Somewhere downtown West Bend, or maybe hit up a little place in one of the tiny towns around here. I’ll keep you posted.

But that's my car...

Well, it's been a long week of college fairs, and I'm finally home. Although getting there wasn't all that fun.

After driving three or so hours, I stopped by the office, where I accomplished absolutely nothing in my state of exhaustion. After that little waste of time, I drove the state car down to the fleet garage. I had received an email earlier in the week saying that the garage was having some roof work down and there would be a lot of equipment down there. I was also assured that I would be able to get my car out. In fact the exact words in the email were, "There is plenty of room to get your car out." Plenty of room? Maybe if you're a professional driver.

I found there to be somewhere between six and ten feet between the garage door and the large piece of firmly planted boom-lift truck on stilts. If I drove a Geo Metro or one of those new-fangled tiny electric cars, there would have been a possibility of getting out, but I drive a Lumina, and I'm no professional. As far as I could see, I would have had to turn my car exactly 90 degrees in a ten-foot square area, then drive it over top of a large wooden block where the stilt was planted, if I could fit the car at all between the edge of the building and the actual truck.

So, today, I still have the state car. No big deal. But, when I got home, I did have a slightly big deal. There were seven hornets happily inhabiting my home. Yucky. I recruited a neighbor to help kill what we could see, but today I'm still working on that project. Ugh.

The Luna

Coffee is perhaps the most amazing beverage ever invented. So, this year on the road, I decided that I must visit many more coffee shops that I had last year. And with big chunks of afternoons free on many days and a major corporation paying for it all, why not?

My first stop on the tour de shops is the Luna in De Pere, Wisconsin. De Pere is currently under a slight stage of construction (what's with Wisconsin and roundabouts anyway? I'll save that one for another day...) making it a little difficult to find the place downtown.

The atmosphere here is great. There is a wide variety of art on the well-worn rough brick walls. A bar area to sit at as well as tables, chairs, and lounge furniture. One wall has a vibrant mural sprawled across it, and a lot of their menus are hand-written in bright chalk...very cute. Music was perfectly mellow, too. They sell a variety of coffees, teas, t-shirts, and gifts.

The barista recommended the iced honey latte when I asked and it was pretty good. (I have yet to refine my coffee taste descriptions for the general population.....I'll be sure to work on that. Overall I have nothing to complain about.

So, if you're looking for a good place to stop for coffee in De Pere, Wisconsin, check out the Luna. I'll give it a four out of five for overall coolness.

Ground Potatoes and the Barefoot Mailman

Last week began the first week of many travels for the year. I started off my trails by heading to Iowa, a new concept, for those of you following my travel tails from last year. Iowa, over all was relatively uneventful, but there was one good story to come of it:

Traveling in Iowa can make a girl very hungry. Around lunchtime I found myself in the fun little town of Tripoli, Iowa. Now, if you've eve been to Tripoli, you are fully aware of the dining options available to a hungry person: a Casey's and a local grocery store. Not wanting to seem unusual in my out-of-town-ness, I stopped in at the gas station for quick entry and exit. They had three dried up pieces of pizza and some other fried assortments of things. I grabbed a bag of chips, a bottled soda, and some potato wedges that were about the only thing that didn't look like they would kill me. Actually, they looked pretty darn good. Not only were they potato wedges, but they were wedges covered in cheese and bacon. Mmmm. I get out to the car and unlock the door. As I'm sliding into the vehicle with all the grace of a drunken ostrich, the potatoes began to slip with the paper boat that they were housed in. I saw them going, but what's an uncoordinated girl to do? So I just watched them. Lap....car door....ground....Crap.

For a few seconds, I debated what to do. Do I leave them on the ground? They are, after all, on the ground, cheese side down, no good to anyone anymore as a decent meal. But it is a small town. They'll know the strange girl in the blue car dropped them and went lunchless. So, I quickly picked them all up, making sure to do the look-around-hoping-nobody-noticed-thing as I did it. I drove away sulking, knowing the potatoes now sitting back in their boat on the floor of my car were in an uneatable state. I found a nice little area park with lots of trees and a little stream running through it is a perfect spot to eat my chips-and-soda lunch.

But something was overwhelming my senses, making my mouth water and my mind wander. Man those potatoes smelled sooooo good. It was uncontrollable. I kept looking at them out of the corner of my eye....desiring to enjoy them. I reasoned with myself, "You cannot possibly eat those. They were on the ground...at a gas station. They could kill you. They are gross." "Yes, but they could not all have possibly hit the ground...and wouldn't all the dirt and deadly chemicals have stayed on the ground with the sticky cheese?" My split personalities decided that it would be ok to try just one...one that for sure did not actually hit the ground. Mistake. They tasted better than they smelled. Absolutely divine.

Needless to say, for those of you who know me well, they were gone in about five minutes. The mental battle of whether or not to eat them raged on with every bite, but they sure did end up gone.

Oh, and the barefoot mailman, you ask? Well, shortly after lunch, I went to the high school in Tripoli, and a huge panel van pulls up behind my car...you know the type, more rust than paint, scary shaggy-haired man behind the wheel...Well, he got out, grabbed piles of newspapers and a mail bag an proceeded to the school entrance. It wasn't until he was almost there that I noticed he was wearing no shoes, cut-off acid-wash jean-shorts, and his USPS uniform shirt mostly unbuttoned. The whole scene screamed, "WELCOME TO IOWA!"

Genesis 1:3

Have you ever pondered Genesis? I mean really meditated on it? At the rate I'm going, I think I'll be at it for a while (I have a goal of maybe a decade or so.)

Tonight I started over at the beginning, what some may say is a good place to start. I got through exactly three verses before I felt like I should stop. Verse three, for some reason caught my attention. Strange. The statement, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth" didn't stop me in my tracks...although I did end up going back and realizing the absolute gravity of that statement later.

But verse three says, "And God said, 'Let there be light,' and there was light." Hmm. Try as I may, I can't say, "Let there be [anything]." No matter what, nothing happens. No matter what I want, something has to happen for me to get it. If I want socks, I have to get them from the drawer. If I want pizza, I have to bake it or order it. I'll never be able to just make these things appear. Now imagine creating light. This is not the turning on the light switch kind of creating. This is the conceptualizing and then making from nothing light. What power is possessed! It's not even really comprehensible. Before God there was no light. No idea of light. God wanted it, and it was there.

I'm sure as I battle through the biggness of Genesis there will be many more baffled entries on the amazing depths of God.