In the Year Two Thousand and Nine...

2009. Wow. I know I say this every year, but it sure is hard to believe that yet another year is drawing quickly to a close. But this year, I can sit down and write a whole new kind of year-in-review. What changed? Well, I'm not 100% sure, but one thing I know - my heart has been changed. Perhaps I have just grown older and wiser or perhaps God has been working on me all along.

For the past few years, I have been writing "I can't believe the year is gone" entries, testaments to the blur of the over-packed, under-appreciated, over-stressed days flurrying by, leaving me in some nearly unrecognizable state of exhaustion and exasperation. Over and over, I've vowed to "never have another year like this one," which is usually immediately followed by "another year like that one." There have been so many memories lost in the shuffle; great moments past by and viewed as only slightly better than survivable; smiles and laughter buried by worry, details, and to-do lists.

This year, I feel like I can finally take a deep breath, take a glimpse back at the year gone by, and take joy in how it has been spent rather than just how it was survived. Has it been any less busy than any other year? I would argue not, but I would argue that how my heart responds has been altered, or perhaps healed, in such a way that I am no longer required to just survive life. I can enjoy life.

Has this been the perfect year? Certainly not. Has it been without struggles, temptations, or hardships? No. Have I "enjoyed" every moment of this year? I think you can probably guess the answer there. But how dare I discredit the countless blessings of God with the trials and troubles that come with all of the good. How dare I focus on money being tighter than I'd like it to be, or working hours being longer than I want them to be, or my on-again-off-again battle with being a single twenty-six year old woman, or any of that. Sure, it's all been there this year, but is that what will define my year? How dare I let it come even close.

Look at all of the blessings (I wish I had a better word there, for something that feels even better than a blessing...), that God has lavishly given to me - material blessings, heart growth, relationships...

I have a home, a car, and a Master's degree, all of which I've somehow been able to afford. I have food, heat, furniture, all of which keep me comfortable on a daily basis. I have a job that is also a mission field, a vocation of highest calling to serve and glorify God in every interaction. I have friends, new and old, that I can rely on through the good and the bad. I have been given wise and beautiful, strong and faithful women, my mom included, that provide me with godly examples of how to grow and mature into this life; I cherish these relationships beyond words. I've been given a tender heart, one that loves, hurts, senses, guides...a heart that is so full of raw emotion, yet a heart that is somehow calm amidst it all.

Looking back upon this past year, I can't even really believe what has all transpired. I've done things I didn't know I was even capable of doing. I bought a house (seriously, wow), remained in love with my job, completed a Master's degree then nearly immediately became a college professor, made friends with my neighbors, got (at least little) healthier.... Wow. What a brilliant year!

Oh yes, this has truly been a wonderful year, one that can't even really be adequately wrapped up in any sort of year-in-review write-up. It can't be fully reflected upon or digested, despite my best efforts and intentions to do so. No, perhaps this year just has to be, well...enjoyed...just as it is.

Father God, thank you, thank you for the incredible gift of this past year. I sing your praises louder than ever for the many blessings, lessons, and gifts You've given to me...whether I deserve them or not. You've been working on my heart for so long, never losing patience. Father, I will tell of Your great works in my life forever. No one deserves any glory but You. I will boast and brag about You, and only You, at every opportunity. What a year, what a gift, what a God You are.