Lately I've been feeling torn, convicted, and maybe off-balance. It's been difficult to put a finger on exactly what it is that I'm feeling and experiencing, but a recent sermon put it in some pretty basic terms that I think are helping me to sort it all out.
God calls us to love him with all of our hearts, souls, minds, and strength (Mark 12:30 as well as the other gospels). And the sermon I listened to broke down what each of those pieces could mean in our lives. And in discussing the sermon with a friend, it suddenly gripped me that I was completely unbalanced in my approach to loving God.
Anyone that knows me knows me to be an extremely passionate individual. I live life in nearly pure emotion, acting on gut feelings, getting lost in music, laughing and crying hard. If I'm going to experience the world, let me experience it in this way...with high highs and low lows. This is how I love on God, too. My heart is madly, deeply, passionately in love with my Savior. I feel God in me. I feel like I commune with God in a real way. And I can express my love for God as passionately. Songs sometimes flow out of me unexpectedly. Music reaches me in a way that little else can. I move for God, act for God, serve for God...
But do you know what all of this passion has done for me? It's made me incredibly lazy. If I can feel God, certainly I must know God. But loving God does not inherently give me a knowledge of God. I know that I love God with my whole heart (choosing to follow His will actively) and my soul (where all of that passion resides), but am I loving Him with my whole mind? Am I dedicating time to learning about my God? The answer is undoubtedly no.
Although I have not abandoned the Word by any stretch, I have become complacent that I must know what's in there. I've read a lot of the Bible, and I look up verses pretty often when I certain concept or thought crosses my mind. But when is the last time that I have studied the Word? When was the last time that I dove into a topic just hungry to know what God had to say about it? I'm embarrassed to admit that I have no clue. And if I'm not doing that, then how do I know what God says or thinks about the things happening to me and in the world? I won't.
This is pretty scary thought. If I don't know God's heart, then how will I know how to listen to Him? How will I know how to talk to Him? How will I know if I'm even in His will? Following a feeling is not the same thing as following Christ. Lots of things can conjure feelings, emotions and passions. Injustice, family, music, success, individuals...none of these things are Christ.
My friend shared a verse with me today that I didn't even know was in the Bible, and today it's speaking directly to me: 2 Cor 11:3 “I am fearful, lest that even as the serpent beguiled Eve by his cunning, so your minds may be corrupted and seduced from wholehearted and sincere and pure devotion to Christ” (AMP). Could it be? Could I be so passionate that I blindly pursue Christ and somewhere in the midst become lost and deceived? The fact is, Satan will find any crack in my armor and begin to pry it open...even the very thing that seems to drive my spiritual life.
So, excuses need to be laid down today. The excuse, I know I know God because of how I feel for Him, doesn't work because feelings can lead astray. The excuse, I read the Bible pretty often, so I don't need to establish a routine or discipline of it, doesn't work because reading the Bible only to grab a verse here and there is not learning the Word. The excuse, I'm just too busy, doesn't work because I'm not even trying right now, so there can be time if I make the time. The excuse, I don't know where to start, isn't valid anymore because there are things being laid on my heart that I'm simply ignoring.
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