Nothing Like a 2x4 to the Face

It's Sunday afternoon, and I have just recently been smacked in the face with a 2x4...again. This happens every now and then when I lose sight of what's really important in life or get overwhelmed with the details of it all. This weekend, I spent some time with my good friend Bri, and we had some really good heart-to-heart talks recently. Last night's topic of interest was the complexity of life and our ablility to worry about it every waking second of the day (and for me, all of the want-to-be-sleeping moments of the night).

It was wonderful just to have someone to share my thoughts, worries, and feelings with. But that wasn't really the moment of 2x4 impact. That took place this morning as the sermon centered around life's path. Pastor went on about how we get so caught up in making sure that we are on the right path and knowing what the path is that we completely forget to include God in it all. And what a realization that was. And it's so frustrating! I have had this moment over and over throughout life - hundreds of times. This I-can't-believe-I-forgot-God moment that makes me think I have everything under control. Why in the world does it keep coming back to this? I mean, I know that God is better off in control and that I should trust Him for every moment and move that I make. I know it. I believe it!

But here I sit again today, in my kitchen, feeling nothing but misery for falling again. Will I ever learn? Will I ever truly realize the power and care of the God that created me? At this point in my life, it seems unlikely, but oh how I long for the moment when it doesn't just click for one decision or one life-crisis, but the moment when I can live it...forever.

In my frustrations I go back to a Jennifer Knapp song. This song reminds me that I will never be perfect, never have the ability to ever be 100% faithful to anything, but there's a God out there who is faithful, who will never leave us or lead us astray. A God who is Faithful to Me:

All the chisels I've dulled carving idols of stone
that have crumbled like sand 'neath the waves
I've recklessly built all my dreams in the sand,
just to watch them all wash away

Through another day, another trial
Another chance to reconcile
To One who sees past all I've seen,
and reaching out my weary hand,
I pray that you'd understand,
You're the only one who's faithful to me.

All the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well
I have thrown like stones to the sea.
I have cast my lots, dropped my guard, searched aimlessly,
for a faith to be faithful to me.

Through another day, another trial,
Another chance to reconcile
To One who sees past all I've seen,
and reaching out my weary hand,
I pray that you'd understand,
You're the only one who's faithful to me.
You're the only one who's faithful to me.