It Reminds Me of Snorkeling

Nothing like swallowing a little salt water to clear your sinuses. There has been a buzz around some circles that the contraption known as the Netti Pot is the way to clear out the crud. So, being as desperate as I was, I decided to try it...

And it probably would have worked fine, but my sinuses were bl-ock-ed! So, most of the salty saline solution just went up my nose and into my mouth...slightly uncomfortable.

It actually reminds me a lot of when I tried to snorkel in Mexico. I was so bad at the whole in-through-your-nose, out-through-your-mouth thing that I drank much of the ocean. A Netti Pot is a lot like that if you're not careful.

Go try it. It's quite the experience.

A Wonderful 4th, A Terrible Cold

Despite feeling a little like death due to a sore throat, what I will blame on tonsils, and a suddenly stuffy nose, that I will blame on allergies, or (if you ask Maggie) a mysterious bouncing virus, it was still a wonderful weekend.

I spent all of yesterday in Madison bumming around in some great spots in the beautiful weather...some of the best I can remember. Peter and I splurged on Michael's Frozen Custard...yum! And then we saw some spectacular fireworks. Today, we spent the day in Spring Green at a pool party getting scorched in the sun, eating junk food, and playing a little volleyball when the inspiration struck.

All in all, the weekend was great. I wish that somehow ever weekend could be that relaxed, that laid back, and that fun. In fact, I do believe the world would be a better place if weekends were used for what they were made for-rest! So what did you do this weekend?

Sitting Outside My Office

I have officially survived the first three days of my new job. And they have certainly been an interesting three days...not that I would have expected anything else.

My week began at my old office cleaning out my cubicle, making lists, tidying things up, all the things that one would usually do when leaving an office. Then we had one last lunch at the Asian Cafe...yum, and discussed the near future. I quickly realized that I was already a helicopter parent...the very thing that drove me out of my mind during registration this year. But when I really stop and think about leaving my "kids" to do their jobs at registration without me, I get all worried and want to be there with them. The Peer Advisors are very capable adults that can do their jobs well, so there is no reason for me to be there. I just wish I was.

But I digress. The very next day, Tuesday, I went to my new office. I was the first one there by quite a while, but, to my defense, no one had told me exactly when to be there, so I just had to guess. And, also in my defense, it is apparently a theme in the office to show up a bit late. But that's neither here nor there. There were some appointments set up for me on the first few days that included lunches and friendly encounters. At some point during day two, I met my new boss for the first time. She's new too, so that's exciting.

And this morning, I sat outside my office for a good two hours because I don't have any keys yet. The secretary forgot to tell me she wasn't coming in today. Mark, a nice guy that I work with, finally called security to help me out.

I will say that there have been some exceptionally positive aspects of the last three days. The first day, I got my photo ID all done, I answered the phone once, and there was a piece of mail in my mailbox with my name on the outside. Day two, I met my boss, took a tour or two, and started decorating my office. And day three, I managed to accidentally stumble upon my email account and I checked it and sent replies. So, I guess, it's all good. More to come on the new job front later.

Head Above Water

Barely. Strangely, it doesn't take much for life to go from normal, comfortable, and settled to frantic, crazy, and unexpected.

Here's an update...more to keep myself up to date that you. I'm trying my hand at dating. That's exciting (right, Peter?). I'm working my last week of work at UWP. I haven't had any time to think about that yet, but I would imagine some time on Friday, my last day, it will catch up to me. So, ask me on Saturday how that went. I'm starting a brand new job on Tuesday. I have no idea what I'll be doing, wearing, or learning, but I'm sure it'll be fantastic. I'm looking for a new place to live in coordination with my new job. I have lots of numbers to call and not a lot of time to call them. My apartment was dirty, now it is clean. My shoes were worn, but not I have a new pair. And my life was nuts...and now it's more nuts.

So there it is. Call me sometime next year. Maybe I'll be sane and calm and settled, or maybe not. Got to love this crazy life! Is it possible to be exhausted and excited at the same time?

*Sigh*

*Snore*

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

Remember back to when I was in high school, and Mitch, and I were home together for some reason, and we found that spider in the closet? You know, that spider that was so big and gross it had made a web that covered the whole darn closet in an hour? That whiteish colored nasty spider that could have straddled a dollar bill and probably could have outrun me?

Now, I know I have a tendency to over exaggerate stories and blow things out of proportion. But I feel like I've got a pretty good grip on reality here. Remember how Mitch and I called you home from work in the middle of the afternoon to kill it because we were too chicken?

Well, I just wanted to tell you that Saturday I met that spider's cousin....in my bathroom. A giant light brownish long-legged thing was just hanging out above my shower. I wanted so badly to call you over to my bathroom to kill it for me, but that didn't seem logical. I thought about calling someone else, but it was 6:00 in the morning. So I went about the task of deciding how I should kill it, knowing no one would come to my rescue. I quickly grabbed the fly swatter, but it didn't seem to have quite enough distance between my hand and the animal hanging from my ceiling. I decided upon the vacuum. Not the little dust buster that charges in my windowsill. (I was told once that bugs can and do crawl back out of those.) No, no. I grabbed the big ol' vacuum and all its attachments. After a quick assembly of the long narrow tube, I stood at the bathroom door staring down my opponent for a good five minutes. I probably would have stood there for the whole day, but that darn thing started "running" toward me through its web like a man on a mission, and I got scared. Kill or be killed was my mentality, so I sucked the beast up.

So, Mom, the moral of this story is, I still need you and Dad. Not just to be my spider killers. I just like to have you around. So, don't stay away too long.

Love you!

Enough is Enough

At what point do we say, "Enough is enough!"? Well, I have a feeling that we've all already far surpassed that point. Think over this past six months. 2008 started out with massive amounts of snow, fog, and other strange and random weather events. The spring was short and fairly uneventful, but now summer is coming in like a raging lion that just got stung by a bee...and stepped on a thistle...and ate rotten meat....you get the idea.

I can never remember a year like this one. And I can honestly say that I've had enough. Today I sat on the floor in an interior hallway for forty minutes or so hiding from the threat of yet another tornado.

And I had to miss my first American Players Theater (check it out: www.playinthewoods.org) with Peter. We were both pretty bummed about that.

Summer is crabby, and so am I.

(Not even joking, as I was writing the last line, my power went--and stayed--out. Not funny.)

What's the word to use here.....

Sunday was quite the eventful day for me. I went to church and was asked to sing lead for a set in the worship team. I can't say I'm all that big of a fan of singing lead. It's just a mental thing, I guess. Something about hearing only your voice reverberating back to you through an echoey sanctuary is unsettling. But I sucked it up and did it. And it was fine.

After church, I drove through the rain to Madison to spend time with Peter. We watched his brother play in an amazing band, Harmonious Wail, which I absolutely loved. Then we walked State Street, in one direction dry, in the other, in some sweet rain. We ate a snack at a Vietnamese restaurant, which was also great.

I met Peter's dad for the first time back at the house. And Peter was right, his parents are pretty cool. After re-meeting his mom (we had met in New Orleans once upon a time), we all went to church. This in itself was an experience.

Blackhawk church in Madison is like, as Peter described, an airport terminal. There is a big information desk in the middle, computer kiosks, coffee bars, a whole children's ministry wing, and more than one sanctuary. For a kid who grew up in a church of about 50 regular attenders, it was a lot to take in. After getting my barrings, the service started, a recording of the morning service. The topic of the sermon? Awkwardly enough, marriage. As Peter and I, extremely new to each other, sat between both his parents, neither of us looked at each other or either parent. It was just a strange moment full of good advice, but I don't think either of us knew how to take it. We laughed later about it just being...well....yeah.

After that, it was pouring like the dickens out of extremely ominous looking cloud formations. We decided to head back home and eat a pizza where it continued to rain and rain and rain. The radar was red and yellow everywhere, which is never a good sign. Just before 10:00, I decided that I should make a break for Belmont. And although I made it home safe and sound, I can't say that I exactly loved every minute of it. The blinding lightning and car shaking thunder with the occasional white-out-ish condition, made it just uncomfortable enough for white knuckles and a slight amount of perspiration.

Needless to say, this weekend was, well....yeah. It was....wonderful, strange, fun, scary, awkward, comfortable...what exactly is the word I'm looking for here....

Stink Eye

Do you know what the Stink Eye is? I'm sure you do, if not by name.

You know that look someone gives you when they're annoyed by you? That look that tells you, "What the junk do you think you're doing?" That look that makes you want to roll your eyes because the person giving it to you is usually full of crap?

That's the Stink Eye.

I've been getting it all morning. And to that, I roll my eyes. It really is time to go.

Seriously.

The Big Winner

Today, I have to admit that I'm pretty tired and even a little grumpy after a long tough weekend of working hard and playing hard. Work didn't start (or continue) with the greatest, most joyful demeanor, so I got a little short with people and headed outside for some alone time. It was very nice. But somehow, no matter how grumpy I got, it was still my day.

This morning, I get a phone call at work rather unexpectedly. "Hi, this is Jessica from Subway, and you're our weekly winner. You can come pick up your free meal whenever you'd like." How fun! All those weeks of putting my business card into their little box finally paid off. I admit that I gloated a little bit to Tara, who almost always has a scoff for me when I drop my cards in.

Then, even more ironically, this afternoon, Quiznos calls me to let me know that I have won a free meal from them and I'd be entered into a $500 cash drawing tomorrow. Nobody wins this stuff...and certainly nobody wins this sort of stuff twice...in one day. How sweet would the $5oo be? Hopefully tomorrow will be my day too.

Hard Work

This weekend I spend most of my time in Parkersburg helping where I could. I was assigned kitchen duty on Friday, which honestly, I was initially a little bummed about. I really wanted to be out in the field, picking up debris, sweating and sun burned. But what I didn't realize was that God had plans to have me help where I was needed most.

The first hour or so, I wasn't sure how exactly to jump in, but after that, I had someone show me around so I could see where all the supplies where stored. After that, I hit the ground running. I filled coolers, stacked plates and napkins, cleaned tables, unloaded shipments, climbed around in semi trailers. By the end of Saturday, I was still working (with only about a seven or eight hour break), but I knew the lay of the land and tried to be as helpful as I could. And I was beyond honored when the woman in charge asked me to relieve her for the next few days. I choked up when I told her that I couldn't.

My heart is still in Parkersburg tonight. My heart is still climbing in semi trailers and unloading a full truck of bottled water. And my heart is with Sandy, Deb, Mary, Judy, Heidi, Neil, and all those that I coordinating meals for hundreds of people who really really need it.

And you know what? Working hard feels really good. Tonight I'm stiff and sore beyond belief, but I know that my little bit of suffering made the lives of the people of Parkersburg and all the volunteers hopefully just a little bit more comfortable. Thank you, Lord, for giving me strength and gifts to serve where you lead me. May I never take my many blessing for granted.

Destruction

I can't begin to know how to write about this. As all of you know, an F5 tornado ripped a 43 mile path through Iowa this weekend, destroying anything in a half-mile path. It is a sight unlike any other, like an explosion or a war zone.

Families have lost everything they know in as little as 30 seconds. As I sit useless in my apartment tonight, I know the best thing I can do is pray hard for all those affected by this powerful destructive force. And although I'd love to be there helping in the clean up, I know that families and volunteers are working hard with a resounding sense of unity.

There is hope in all of this. The people of Iowa are strong and resilient. The winds break walls, but not spirits. Parkersburg and New Hartford and all those affected will stand tall and work hard together to make things better than they ever were.

We are so fortunate in this world. We've been given so much and are so incredibly blessed. So count your blessing tonight. Give thanks to God for the many wonderful things He gives us in life like family, strength, and constant love and care. He is in control...even in unfathomable chaos.

Whaaaaaaaaa!

The following is a true story.

This afternoon, I was sitting at my desk, actually being productive (which hasn't happened so much these days). I was working in Word to develop an artistic invitation to the Peer Advising retreat that is coming up around the corner, checking my email, and ok, facebooking.

A sudden and extremely loud wailing blared from near my end of the office. I looked around, somewhat annoyed, and assume that the fire alarm had gone off in an absurd, solid tone wail. I continued to work until I noticed that people were beginning to gather around my desk.

A few seconds later, Heidi had grabbed my laptop off of its docking station and began wildly hitting any button and unplugging any cord she could find. I did what anyone would do in that situation: I said, "What the heck?!?" and then got up and walked away. Upon a manic shutdown, the wail had been silenced, and it was confirmed that the insane noise was indeed from my little laptop. Seriously. It was as loud of the fire alarm.

Turns out, sometimes your internal microphone in your laptop can turn itself on without any touching of microphone controls. And if said microphone happens to be turned up loud enough and the accompanying speakers have also somehow been turned up loud enough, the result is a "WHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAA" that very closely resembles a fire alarm.

Needless to say, I was pretty embarrassed, but I could only be so embarrassed because the IT guy that came to rescue me had no solution to my little problem. I can only assume that he must have been just as embarrassed. All I'm saying is, watch out. This could inexplicably happen to you. Keep an eye on your seemingly well-behaving laptop; it could revolt and try to blow itself up.

"Hello, this is OnStar."

I feel that I will forever pay for the OnStar system for my car, as I discovered this weekend. I managed to lock my keys in my new car while visiting my grandma, and my spare set was in my house in Belmont. The rest of the incident went something like this:

Dad: What's information's number?
Me: 411
Dad: *dials 411* OnStar, please.
Me: *grabs phone*
OnStar: Hello, this is OnStar... ... ...Alright, ma'am, I'm going to unlock your car for you now. Have a great day.
*click*

What a sweet feature! I will pay pretty much whatever it takes to keep that little ditty around. :)

Beautiful Sunny Day

All day today as I was in my cubicle, the sun shone through the giant windows that are at my back. And all day, I wanted nothing more that to get outside, get some healthy color, boost my vitamin D, or whatever, but I couldn't. Then, the very instant I get home, when I have every intention of going outside to revel in the aforementioned sun, it begins to rain.

I'm glad Monday's over.

Cushioned Landing

When I really should be working, at 2:40 in the afternoon, I am instead enjoying...or should I say trying to enjoy a Butterfinger Bar. The building that I work in has a sole vending machine that requires a nearly half mile walk of shame to get to, but it does contain good things such as Snickers, Butterfinger...well, who really needs anything else. But there is a predicament with having Butterfingers in the third row up in a vending machine. They are, in fact, fairly brittle and breakable. And when dropped from the third row of a vending machine, they tend to, well, shatter. And this afternoon, this all led me to ponder why vending machines don't have a padded tray for goodness like Butterfingers to fall into. It would avoid the whole trying to lick up shards of chocolate and peanutbutteriness from my desk action altogether. Your thoughts on the matter?

It Had to End This Way

Go figure. I should have even called it or bet money on the fact that my travel season would end in a most unusual way.

First, this week I had the privilege of driving fleet car #12. For those of you not familiar with fleet car #12, let me elaborate. Fleet car #12 is one of the oldest cars in the fleet, and as a Taurus, as most of the fleet are, it would usually be considered reliable even at 160,000 miles. And I will admit that fleet car #12 has never stranded me anywhere, it has had some hiccups that I would prefer not to deal with while dealing with Chicago traffic. For instance, the gas pedal sticks at the top, so most often in situations where one would be required to accelerate, nothing happens until *bam!* you're catapulted into hyper-drive. And a problem that is fantastic to couple with acceleration challenges, are the brakes. The breaks are the opposite of touchy, and practically standing up in the driver's seat is required to make a full and complete stop. Besides that, fleet car #12 smells something terrible...it reminds me of rotting food, but from a distance...the smell of approaching a dumpster from a half mile away, downwind. And finally, fleet car #12 has a strange bar or cord that I would imagine is holding the driver's seat together, but it is on the person side of the padding rather than the inside. Most days after driving fleet car #12 I feel a slight bruise on my spine...quite uncomfortable.

Although the fact that driving fleet car #12 was not especially pleasing, that was not the most strange part of my day (note, it is only 10:00). I began my day by picking up said fleet car #12 at 6:45 and got on the road to head to my last school visits of the semester. By 8:00 I had two voicemails on my phone. I would have caught the calls had I not been singing extremely boldly in said car. Within fifteen minutes this morning both of my last two schools had called and told me not to bother showing up. No students were signed up, and it wouldn't be worth my while. By doing some quick mental math, one can gather that I had already driven for an hour in the south and easterly direction. An hour. So, with an exasperated, "What the heck!" to Tara, I turned around in Nora, Illinois, where the local (there may only be one in that town) was walking to get his mail and provided me with a curious look while I was making a u-turn near his house.

So, now, at 10:00, I have already been "working" for three and a half hours and I have accomplished absolutely nothing but wasting gas. But hey, gas is cheap, right? Welcome to my daily life in recruitment. The spring travel season had to end this way.

'Cuz We Need a Little More Rain...

So I found myself in Peoria, Illinois yesterday. I just ran down there quick to visit a few stu-well, schools. (I didn't see any students, so I guess that's not what I went to visit.) But while I was there, the strangest thing happened. The weather turned bipolar. I had never seen anything quite like it. One minute it would start to rain, and because it was so chilly out, it would quickly turn to sleet, then hail. That would last about ten minutes or so, and then the sky would clear and the sun would shine for fifteen minutes or so. Lather, rinse, repeat, and that's what happened all day long.

And as I drove back north to Platteville, it continued to rain, and streams and rivers continued to be well out of their banks, and fields continued to sit with water. I can say with certainty that we don't need any more rain. But if you read enough reports and almanacs, or listen to wise and knowledgeable Tara, you'll learn that this growing season is supposed to be too dry to grow good crops. I guess I'll have to see it to believe it. And if this is indeed true, why aren't more people scurrying to collect all the excess water to utilize later when everything dries up? Something to think about.

And the forecast for the week doesn't look promising. Thursday and Friday are projected to bring more rain and thunderstorms. So get your rain coats and goulashes...and maybe you're small fishing boats propped up in the street...the fun's not over yet.

And in Late Breaking News....

And in late breaking news tonight...

I went waaaay over my cell phone plan this month. And I do find that weird considering that most months I don't even come close. It makes me wonder what the heck I was talking about this month that was so much more pressing that any other....

Holy I'm-a-Month-Behind!

Wow, it sure has been a long time since I have given an update on life...unfortunate because the few of you that may have read this a while back (say a month ago when my last posts were happening) have by now certainly given up on me. Sorry about that. Hopefully you come back and read eventually.

And the saddest part is that a lot of things have happened since I wrote last. I have been working to finish up my travels in the Illinois. I have made several trips...and there have been weeks that I made several trips in a single week...This week for example. But I'm getting pretty good at being a truck driver of sorts and driving without really thinking about it, so it has been pretty easy just to "run to Chicago" a few times a week. It sure is one heck of a commute.

In other news, I've been job searching. I'm pretty sure that's common knowledge by now...at least that's what I hear around the water cooler. I've gotten to the point where I guess I don't care too much who really knows. So anyway...I've been searching and hopefully eventually finding. And it's not that I hate my job, don't get me wrong. There are many parts of my job that I truly love. But there are just so many more things that I am passionate about...and isn't that where we all want to be in our lives? Pouring ourselves into our passions one way or another? That's the goal anyway. I'll keep you posted on that front as updates become available.

Probably the biggest news I have to report is my first truly adult purchase (outside of purchasing my education) and that would be my beautiful new baby: my Saturn Aura. I haven't taken pictures of her yet...but I hope to in the next few days...maybe once I figure out how to get it registered. No one has really explained that part to me yet. I'm sure eventually the excitement will wear off, but frankly I hope not. It's kind of fun.

And on the hornet front: there have been none to kill since Wednesday. Wednesday! Let me tell you, that is good news! Let's hope the pattern continues.

And that will do it for news this evening. I promise to make a better attempt at keeping you updated and such good things more often. :)

Dang it!

Well, a few days above freezing not only gained a few hornets crawling around the snow, but today I have killed the first live one in my apartment. I guess it's time to turn out the super sensors of hearing and seeing out of the corner of my eyes.

Looks like I will be calling my landlady on Monday morning for a little chat. I can't live on the edge of sleep and sanity for a whole nother warm season out of fear and anger from those stupid bugs. Because something tells me this little guy that I whacked today didn't come alone, and I'm not really in the mood to meet his friends.

Just like last year, I tend to be a little jumpy for the first couple that I kill...or over-kill. In fact, I'm pretty sure that I killed this first one fourteen times or so. And so it will go until I have once again mastered the skill of killing them with a single swat in mid-flight. But it looks like until I make friends with the exterminator, my best friend with be the fly swatter that will live in my right hand until sometime next November.

My World

My world has not ended.
It will be there tomorrow.
Just as I left it.
I'll find it back.

My world is not over.
It does not sleep.
There is something better.
I'll find it yet.

My tears do not break me.
They just show my soul.
My eyes dry tomorrow.
I'll find new strength.

Tomorrow's a new day.
The horizon is bright.
There's only the new world.
I'll find with joy.

My world is still here.
Unshakable faith.
Smile a little bigger.
I'll find it. It's there.

-LK

Disappointment

dis·ap·point·ment (dĭs'ə-point'mənt)
noun

1.	a feeling of dissatisfaction that results when your expectations are not realized; "his hopes were so high he was doomed to disappointment"
2.	an act (or failure to act) that disappoints someone

-----
Today I feel disappointed. And you know, disappointment is a funny thing. It can just sneak up on you from out of nowhere. It can take you from extremely excited to pretty much crushed in a matter of seconds.

I'm disappointed for a lot of reasons right now. I'm disappointed that I'm too naive, too green, to much of a kid to know what's really up. I don't know important things that I should know...like a giant placement exchange that is coupled with one of the biggest conferences of the year for student affairs. I don't even know what questions to ask or when to ask them...like, "NASPA...what are you going there for?" or "How can I find a great job today?"

I'm disappointed that I don't have a professional mentor and that I underestimated the necessity of one. I really need someone there beside me guiding me while I'm still too stupid to know anything on my own. To tell me things that I can't learn without them.

And I'm disappointed that I don't have enough initiative on my own to learn things without asking questions or a mentor. I could have found the information I needed online or in a pamphlet somewhere. I just didn't. Once again, it seems I'm a day late and a dollar short.

All this disappointment comes, hopefully a little prematurely, but I doubt it. I applied for a job yesterday, which I was very excited about. I thought it sounded like a great fit, and it had only been listed on one of the higher education job websites for a few weeks. Today, Alisha was in my office and I was telling her about it. She mentioned that they had probably listed it at NASPA last week. And that was the first I had heard about NASPA as a placement exchange rather than just a conference. At that point I still had hope that maybe the school I had applied with hadn't been there. It was, after all, in Boston. But then I looked. And it was. Dang.

So now, I figure I'll never hear from them because they've already interviewed probably thirty or so people before I ever applied. And that's disappointment for you at its finest. I can't wait for this day to be over.

The Art of Calm

As it turns out, calm is an art form that I am quickly, and happily learning.

Growing up in a no-stop-light town, where two cars at any given intersection can be considered a traffic jam, there isn't much to get one excited or upset. Everything has a simple, quiet rhythm. Outside of that very-near-fantasy world, the pace is somewhat different. Take Suburbia, for instance. This is a strange world where towns have a border but never end, where someone's always going somewhere typically at a fast pace. It's a place where one could get frustrated if not used to the environment.

But I've realized that there is an art to keeping calm in the chaos, a handy tool when so much of my time is dedicated to participating the chaos. One mechanism that I have developed, much on accident, is taking joy in the survival. What I mean by that is recognizing, at nearly every destination, that I've made it and done well in doing so. It's a little celebration dedicated to still being alive. Another little mechanism is physically relaxing in the car. Do you ever notice how tight random muscles get if you're not paying attention? For me, it's my whole driving leg, from toes to hip. It requires some focus to be able to relax it, but in doing so, I somehow manage to relax everything else.

In a world of road rage and race pace, it's nice to know that I can get in my car and not be a part of the chaos around me...at least in my own mind.

They're Back!

Welcome to a few minutes above the freezing point. This is what happens at my house when the temperature, even for a day, reaches above thirty two degrees:





So far they've all decided to stay outside. Hopefully that trend will continue rather than coming inside my house. Because, frankly, they don't make good pets.

Happy Spring?

Feeling Inspired

There's this new show out there called QuarterLife. Well, it's more than a show really. It's a blog, a vlog (video blog), a social network...a movement. And although I don't think I'll be joining this little movement (check it out at www.quarterlife.com), it has inspired me. Lately I've been so busy that blogging and other hobbies have been put on the back burner. Ok, so pretty much everything outside of work and class have been put on hold. It can't go on like this forever.

The show QuarterLife is all about twenty-somethings and their lives after college. All of the characters are frankly pretty self-centered and their actions have very few consequences as far as the scope of the show reaches. I don't know how accurately that it reflects real life. But in some ways, I still identify with some of them. None of us really know yet what we want to do when we grow up, we're not sure where we fit in the world (but we know we do somewhere), we're not quite sure we want to admit that we're grown ups just yet...

And then there's this whole blogging thing that people said wouldn't last. What is our fascination with revealing parts (or all) of our lives to people we may or may not know. I mean, think about it, you (one of maybe three or four people) are reading about little snippets of my life, and even with a tiny little audience, I still feel the need to share with someone, something about me. But for what? To prove I exist? To prove I'm of worth? For my own entertainment rather than yours? I guess I don't really know.

But nonetheless, I feel a little inspired with this whole video blogging thing. If I have a few spare minutes next week, I may give it a try....whether you will enjoy it or not.

Happy quarter life (those of you in that age bracket). Go find yourself. That's what I think I'll work on for a while.

It's the Little Things...#5

It sure has been a crazy week....and it's not near over. One of these days I'm going to take a nap. In the mean time...

A little thing that makes me happy #5: I'm glad to be young and full of energy and health.

With times as crazy as they are, sometimes even crazy enough to forget meals or loose track of bills or due dates, it's nice to know that no matter how much I feel like I'm dragging, I'll still have enough gusto to get out of bed tomorrow (even if it is at 4:00 am, yikes!) and keep on kickin'. Well, back to work.

The Little Things....#4

Today sure was awfully snowy.

A little thing that makes me happy #4: Having a friend with four-wheel drive that lives in my town.

Even though today was nearly history-making with the university closing early for the first time in a long time, I have a brave friend that lives just a few blocks away who shared her car and bravery as she delved into the drifts on the highway with her Jeep.

I didn't mind going home early, but it's strange. It doesn't seem at all that I got all that much more work done. Why is that do you suppose? I guess there's always tomorrow.

The Little Things....#3

A little thing that makes me happy #3: Keeping my two plants alive.

Anyone who knows me, knows the color of my thumb...brown. Wrinkly, shriveled, burnt up brown. The secret to hiding my brown thumb is to usually keep buying the same variety of plant over and over and over so that no one notices how often my plants are dying. (Pretty tricky, right?)

But, I would like to proudly announce that I have managed to keep the same two plants alive (and at least somewhat healthy looking) since moving into this apartment. Perhaps the massive windows facing the correct directions has had something to do with it, but I would like to think that maybe, maybe, my thumb might me showing a hint of green? It may just be in the creases, but I think I'm beginning to see a hint of color. So, it turns out that it makes me very happy to see the same plants in my apartment for the past nine whole months. (Having said this, I sincerely hope that I have not jinxed myself just yet.)

The Little Things....#2

Having given my new series some thought, I have reconsidered it's title. I will now call it "The Little Things...." and give you a little insight into the little things that make me happy. Yeah, that just feels better.

A little thing that makes me happy #2: The car ride home.

I really have learned to love my ride home from work in the afternoons. For that ten minutes (providing that there are no crazies on the road that day) I am alone with my thoughts, with songs that I love, with my loud singing voice that doesn't get to come out near often enough. It's a chance to unwind, leave work at work, and even laugh at myself every now and then. I have learned in this year of commuting seven miles each way that road range is a waste of energy that I used to be wasting all the time. Since I drive for a living it's probably good that I learned that lesson early. So, save some energy, forget the road rage. Use your drive home to learn something new about yourself.

Little Known Fact #1

So, due to extreme lack of interesting things happening in my life lately, I've decided that it is time to begin a new series. It is the hope, that this point, that anyone at all is reading this at all. But for the most likely two or maybe three people that are reading, you'll get to know all the little known facts about me. Some are funny, some may be sad, or weird, or lame, but they are what they are. So, without further ado, here is my first little known fact:

Little known fact #1: Loading and unloading the dishwasher give me a great sense of satisfaction.

I especially unloading a completely spot-free load while it is still warm. The shiny and clean dishes make me appreciate the fact that I have things like nice dishes, a nice and warm and safe home, and it makes me happy. I'm sure there are other things in life that give me more satisfaction than this little act, but it's just one of those little things that maybe I'm not alone in feeling?

Chagrinagains and the Flip Side

A few chagrins to say about today:

-My boss got to leave at noon...I did not.
-My car needs gas...don't those things ever learn to fill themselves up?
-I opened a new container of cottage cheese today for dinner (I know, the epitome of health for an entire meal) but the seal was broken under the lid...it was bad. And I'm still hungry.

Despite these few and tiny disappointments, today was overall, a beautiful day. Think of all the great things that did happen:

-Friday is finally over, and I have all weekend to relax.
-It didn't snow anymore today, and it is above zero.
-I think instead of rot-tage cheese for dinner, I'll go down to the BP and pick up some Ben&Jerry's variety with massive amounts of chocolate and unnecessary candy additive goodness. Mmmmmmm....

And that right there makes today a great day.

A Seminar and Some Ponderings

The life lessons never cease. Today's women's seminar at church was a healthy reminder of that. In fact, today was a really good reminder of those questions and subjects which I struggle with but often choose to push to the back of my mind.

The primary topic that was brought to the forefront today was that of singleness. I was hoping that the subject of contentment would be close behind, and frankly, it was supposed to. I attended a session called, "Single, Content, and Loving It!" It was presented by a wonderfully content and beautiful thirty-two year old single woman who was perfectly content with her singleness. We discussed a lot of things in the session, but the one thing that struck me (not as something new, but as something prevalent nonetheless) was the view of singleness to society.

Society looks at singleness as if there is something that is lacking, something missing, incomplete, or wrong. And although I know in my head that that is surely not true, I can't somehow get past that fact that I still feel like there is something missing.

How can I go about finding contentment despite of these unshakable thoughts? Do I merely fill my time as to distract myself from desires of finding my perfect someone? If that were any sort of logic, surely by now I would be thoroughly distracted enough to never notice my singleness. Between work, travel, grad school, spending time with close friends and family, and, oh I don't know...sleep, I am busy enough to miss a fairly major natural disaster or cosmic event.

Do I pour myself into close non-romantic relationships as to fulfill the basic human need to be relational? This could help, but I may need to find a few new friends. I have a few close wonderful friends, but they are as busy as I am, and we rarely get to spend a lot of quality time together.

Do I get a pet? No can do...too much travel and a historic apartment seem to prohibit that. Do I give up altogether and stop looking completely? The logic there is that once you give up, Mr. Perfect shows up at your door. And although I know that that has been known to happen, I can't say at this point that it makes any sense.

All I can figure is that what I need to do for now is continue to pray as I have fervently for years now and remember that God makes the plans and probably giggles at mine. And I've got to figure He probably knows better that I what I need in my life, now, ten years from now, and forever. So although I have still not reconciled my feelings of unfulfillment and general lack of something, I at least have pondered it rather that bottled it.

"...I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation..." (Phil 4:12) Now I only need to learn to apply it.

Education -- the Pursuit of.....

Today began a new class in my grad program: The History of Higher Education. So far this course has yielded some of the driest reading to date, but the texts do pose some interesting thoughts. In three chapters of descriptions of where America's colleges rooted from, the trend of the purpose of higher education is discussed.

At first, me pursued higher education in order to gain the knowledge of forefathers and philosophies of old. Ancient languages like Latin, Greek, and Hebrew were taught for the sheer purpose of knowing them...perhaps to speak the language of the angels. Education quickly took a turn toward service within the church or community as an educated clergyman or town leader. And following that, men realized that they could be quite prosperous and successful in the secular world. And yet following that, that college was less about learning and more about social experiences. Higher learning became a party, even in the 1800s rather than an enlightenment for the sake of personal, mental, and spiritual growth. (And now I am boring myself. Sorry...)

But now, as I struggle through the readings for this less than enthralling course, I wonder what exactly I am pursuing. My gut says for the money and success, as many could probably honestly admit. But as I look to my future, pondering what exciting things it could hold -- love, a family, community involvement, a home, a career, a mission.... I wonder if my reasoning goes deeper than just money and personal success. I have determined that I quite frankly enjoy learning. I don't do this work for a piece of paper, for a higher salary, or for the admiration of my friends (although, I won't deny they are all bonuses), but for personal, mental, and spiritual growth, just as the founding sons and daughters of the first classes, in the first colleges, of a brand new world.

So I apply this logic to my other aspirations in life. Why do I pursue them? Is it just for me? Is it for the glory of God? Or is it for show, success, and admiration?

A New Year Means....

2008.

It's here. Like it or not.

But what will this new year bring for me? What do I want out of it? What do I need? The honest answer to those questions is that I'm just not sure.

I do know a few things that I want, but these things, as you probably know, are completely out of my control. I'd love to find my great love in the world, and I don't just mean my man to marry, although if I had anything to do with it, it would be the first thing on my to-do list. I mean all of my great loves, those passions that are central to my life. Is it photography? Music and singing? Mountain climbing and the beauty of nature? I need....I need an adventure. Something new. Something to shake me up.

2008 excites me. After all, there can only be bigger, better things to come this year. No matter what path I choose, it's going to be a wonderfully exciting journey. And, for me, that journey starts today. And if you're reading this on Monday, Tuesday, or any day, the same holds true. My journey still starts today.

Things Don't Bake if the Oven Ain't On

Wise Proverb for the Day:

When trying to make a pasta bake, one should always turn on the oven first. Without the first step, not much progress will be made.

Chicago in December

Well, without making anything any sort of official, it seems that I have survived my first trip to the Chicago area. (I'm not home yet, thus the hesitance in officiality). Turns out, it didn't kill me. And, dare I say, I even maybe like it down here? We'll have to see what next semester's travels contain.

But until next semester, as soon as I get home tomorrow, I am done with my travels until February or so. Yay! I am thoroughly looking forward to nights on the couch and finishing up my current grad class.

Today it started to snow, and I am desperately hoping that I can actually get home tomorrow. I do, after all, have a big Christmas show coming up! Anyone looking for tickets to Evening in December, please let me know, and I'll pick some up for you.

Well, short and sweet for tonight.

56.7

I almost ran away today. Never have I been more tempted.

As I sat in front of Manchester's high school, I hit the favorites key on my GPS. On my favorites, I have three locations: Home, Parents, and UWP. And wouldn't you know that Manchester's high school exactly 56.7 miles from UWP and Parents? Exactly.

At first I found it extremely strange, but then I came to a crossroads. Do I go back to work as I am supposed to today? Or do I face west and run away fast?

*Sigh*

Needless to say, to make my boss and the student ambassadors happy, I did the right thing and headed back to work. And here I am, accomplishing not too much, for the next hour or so. Next time, I think I'll choose to run away.

Only a Fool

After ridiculing a man in my apartment building for getting locked out of his apartment and wasting a whole evening of mine, I now feel a bit foolish. After all, Sunday mornings are no fun when one locks themselves out of their apartment, and thus, out of their car, and is, quite frankly, stuck.

I am not sure what's happening to me. I feel like I'm falling apart at the seams a little. Prior to this year, I had never, not even once, locked my keys in my car. This year: three times. And I have never, prior to Sunday, locked myself out of my own house. I am the careful one. I am the one who jingles my keys in my hand before pulling the door shut, just to make sure I've got them. I'm the one who has elaborate systems to keep myself from ever even having the chance of being locked out of anything. For instance, typically, I have my car keys in a ridiculously secret and hard to get to location on the outside of my car. (Really, you'll never find them....) This is so that, in case my car keys would happen to be left inside, I always have a way in to retrieve them. And I have my spare apartment key inside the car, so that if my keys were to be locked anywhere, I have a way to get into the car and thus into the house.

The system broke down.

The only loophole to this nearly perfect system is, if, by some rare chance, one were to be locked out of the car and retrieves the secret outside car keys to redeem themselves, but then does not return the spare to its proper home, and then, by an even rarer chance, locks themselves out of the house, therefore having access to no keys, well then, one then has quite the predicament to solve.

But as it turns out, and you don't need to spread this around to, I don't know, car thieves, it takes more time to bend open a hanger than it does to break into my car from the outside. So, within a few seconds after church, once I had access to a wire hanger, I was back in my house, and my car, with few tears or sweat drips.

Only a fool....only a fool like me....

The Yin and the Yang of Things

Warning: The following post will be nearly impossible to comprehend in the context of my life prior to today. Please read with caution.

Tonight I had a dining experience like none other. I ate sushi. I tried to warn you. I know...it doesn't make any sense when thinking of the amount of risk I'm usually willing to take in my everyday life. And perhaps the more impressive fact of the matter is that I actually liked it. And, if the opportunity presented itself, I think I'd eat it again. Crazy, I know. I'm still reeling.

Don't worry, now. I did not attempt this feat on my lonesome. I met an old peer advisor that is now in the Appleton area who is possibly the riskiest and most random person I know. He, of course, suggested the whole sushi experience. Entering the restaurant was a mystery of itself. The entrance to the parking lot faces the back of the building, which frankly slightly resembled a pole shed. Entering the front doors (finally), the atmosphere was actually very nice, but I felt like I had entered the set of a movie. The booths for each group to sit in were wide rails of sorts that you had to climb over to get to the table. And our waitress was about the most helpful person I had ever encountered in a strange place (scoff). We were left alone to our own devices with a sushi menu and our own imaginations.

I, wisely, chose the Beginner's Platter, a mild array of fairly standard sushi rolls with standard raw fish, shrimp, veggies, sauces, and the wonderfully sticky rice to hold it all together. There was one little piece of sushi that had an entire giant shrimp tail sticking out the top of it. (Fright!) But I dove in head first and tossed a piece in my mouth....which was promptly followed by the rest of the tray (with the exception of that giant shrimpy tail).

After a few rolls, I was pleasantly full. It wasn't that nasty sort of stuffed-myself-with-harmful-fatty-things type of full, but rather a I-think-I-did-something-good-for-myself good. I had no idea that raw fish could make you feel like that.

Overall, I enjoyed my sushi experience at the Nakashima of Japan. Who will join my on my next random food quest? Will it be you?

Ironic

As I sit here tonight in my Appleton hotel room, I am doing what I usually do in the evenings on the road: watching tv. Tuesday nights are always Biggest Loser followed by SVU nights. And although tonight I did make some attempt at working out (me and a treadmill made two slow miles), I managed to watch an entire episode of Biggest Loser while eating half of a medium cheese pizza and a whole order of breadsticks. Yeah, that's right.

And, here's something to impress your friends with: did you know that Americans consume 700 million pounds of peanut butter a year? That's enough to cover the floor of the Grand Canyon. (Says Biggest Loser trivia.) And we Americans also spend 14 billion dollars on dietary supplements each year. Maybe it's because we watch Biggest Loser while crashing our way through a Domino's order.

Victory Shopping....Not So Victorious

Once upon a time, I really did like shopping.

Tonight I thought that shopping as a victory lap of sorts to celebrate my new promotion of sorts was a great idea. I started at my favorite store, The Gap. While talking to my mom on the phone I managed to accumulate a huge armful of items to try on. After a few minutes in the dressing room, I walked away from the store empty-handed. And that was just the start.

After two hours of meandering around a giant mall, I had only purchased a pair of sale rack shoes from Payless. Lovely. I was fully expecting to blow a lot of money today, and, frankly, that mood doesn't strike very often. Let's fact it: I'm pretty much a cheapskate. New job, new year, why not spend a crapload for a change? But alas, no such luck tonight. Just shoes.

But I did manage to purchase the largest possible latte from a Gloria Jean's to make me feel better. And better I felt indeed. However, in order to feel truly and fully better, I feel that a rather large and lengthy internet shopping binge is on the verge. Now my only predicament, where to start...Victoria's Secret? Gap? Zappos?

MUD Creek Coffee

So, this one threw me for a loop. Today I started my morning in a small town called Stockbridge, with a population of 600 or so. As usual, I was just a few minutes early, so I decided to explore the town a bit to see what there was to offer. About two blocks from the school I saw a peculiar sign on the ground that said, “MUD Creek Coffee Drive-Up Open.” Now, the concept of drive-up coffee shops is not a new one to me, but for a small town, it is nearly unheard of.

After I visited with one very nice student at Stockbridge, I decided to check out the MUD Creek first-hand. To my surprise, this was no ordinary old-timer’s-small-town-hole-in-the-ground. It was an actual coffee shop…with personality, atmosphere, acoustic and alternative music, WiFi, and frankly delicious coffee. It had the feel of a downtown, big city shop. The walls were dark and warm, the lights were dim, and there was a variety of seating options: booths, tables, cozy loungers by a fireplace. Weird. I ordered their seasonal special, a 20 oz. pumpkin pie latte and a pastry.

I took it to go, and as I drove, I nearly stopped on the side of the road at the first taste. What a latte! It was strong but not the least bit bitter, sweet, but not too sweet, thick, creamy, and that perfect hot-but-not-too-hot temperature. I would highly recommend that anyone in the Stockbridge area to check this place out. In fact, I’m marking it on the map as a serious spot to return to (just of the coffee shop).

This shop inspired me, once again, to start thinking about starting a coffee shop of my own someday. MUD Creek was a perfect example of what I would do with a small-town shop.

On a completely unrelated note, you know what I’ve been thinking a lot about lately? Broadband. That’s right, broadband internet. You know, that kind of internet you can access from a hole, a pond, etc. (for those of you who have seen the TV commercials). How nice it would be to be able to check my email, update calendars, and look up things like phone numbers from the front seat of my car. Until then, its evening work and a lot of copy and paste action.

Baby Its Cold Outside

There is a distinct chill in the air. The wind blows with the whispers of winter on its way. Or maybe the wind is shouting. Today the gusts were over forty miles per hour. And for a short time, oh how I dread even bringing myself to say it, it snowed.

The chill in the air is not the bitter below-zero temperatures one experiences in the dead of a Wisconsin December. In fact, I don’t believe the temperatures even dared to fall below freezing. But there was just something about that wind that chilled a person to the core. Perhaps it is the mere thought of the horrors awaiting us in the ominous clouds of the future, the dreaded snow that will soon torture us all. Somehow just the thought of it makes me cooler, even now, in the warmth of my hotel room and sweat pants. Or perhaps it is just because it is the first of the cold winds for the season that makes us shiver. There seems to be a getting-used-to time that we all require to adjust to winter, and for me, that must have started today.

My gas tank of the bright blue Ford Taurus that I spend much of my life in these days ran tragically low this morning as I trekked from town to town. The idea of forty mile per hour winds did not entice me to step even one foot out of the car today either, but I knew I’d never make it all day without filling up. Have you ever filled up a gas tank with forty mile per hour winds blowing in your face? It was a challenge from start to finish. I staggered and stammered around the pump for a few minutes until finally the tank was full. Then I immediately sprinted inside to grab the warmest thing I could think of, a cup of gas-station-quality coffee. As soon as I had it paid for, I forged back into the tundra-like atmospheric conditions and directly to the driver’s seat.

A large gulp of hot coffee quickly warmed my entire body, but, as it turned out, I was a little over-eager to drink. And after the warmth quickly faded away, all I was left with was a scorching fire on every surface of all of my digestive organs. My mouth, my throat, even perhaps my stomach were burnt to a crisp. I guess there is a perfectly logical reason to the “Caution-Hot” warning on all Styrofoam coffee cups after all.

So, here’s to the start of that evil, uncomfortable, dangerous season we like to call winter….and to many more scorching hot coffee gulps to come.

New Year, New Do

Twenty three has officially come and gone. And looking back, it was a good year. But I see even better things for twenty four. And I've started off my new year with a new do. Chopping eleven or so inches of hair was just what I needed. (There may be photos soon. We'll see.)

Here are a few predictions for the year to come:
-This is the year I will meet that special someone...hopefully.
-There could possibly be a big move in my future...who knows.
-I anticipate purchasing a new car...if I can get the money together
-I need to start investing in my retirement...also a money issue.
-I want to travel for fun for a change...look for me in the mountains.
-I will climb a 14000 mountain...ready Dad?

Well, that's a start. Ready or not, twenty four, here I come.

Bzzzz.....

You know what's fun? Having an apartment (that I used to love a lot) infested with hornets. (Loving it a little less.) And even after the landlord comes and "takes care of it" I'm still killing them. He says they are living in the walls. Great.

You know what's even more fun? The nightmares of hornets crawling on me or flying around my face. Maybe when it snows I'll feel better.

A Bit of Perspective

A few wise people recently gave me a tape of a sermon that they insisted that I listen to. At first I wasn’t sure why they were so insistent, but then I stopped and looked around.

I have been grumpy. Really grumpy. And what for? A number of things have been weighing on me as of late, including traveling, the office, the chaos of my house….a few little things. These things have affected my happiness, but somehow, they managed to affect more than that.

Happiness, as a matter of clarification, comes primarily from external circumstances, events, and such. Things like making my house clean, making people happy, and spending time with friends make me happy.

Joy, however, is something completely different. Joy is internal. It should not be affected by the external things that happiness is so often tossed around with. Joy sits in that place in your heart where hope and love live. And much like hope and love, joy is one of those things that is much too easily forgotten somehow. We forget where it comes from, or rather Who it comes from, and what it feels like.

So, I have decided, thanks to those wise people and that little sermon tape, that it is time to get a grip on life’s perspective. No matter how crummy a job or office dynamic becomes, or how messy a home becomes, or how long a week is on the road. Throughout it all, I still have joy. With joy in the forefront, these crummy things just aren’t so bad. They can’t be. With a heart of joy, even the worst situations can viewed as positives.

Now, I won’t claim that this new perspective will take place overnight. It is not so easy. This will take some thought and persistence. In a world where joy is not even a recognized emotion, I will need to strive to make it central to my life. Think about it. Even if things aren’t great, they could still be good. And I’d really like for my life to be good again…joyful.

Morning Glory Coffee and Conversation

Oh West Bend…

I had to pick the hottest grandparent spot in the whole town. Morning Glory looks from the outside like a quiet, cozy shop to sit and get some work done, but not so much. There wasn’t much atmosphere, except the music was nice. Low jazz tuned hummed in the background of 25 or so hard-of-hearing chatters.

No credit cards were accepted….I have to write a check? Hmmm. No high speed internet….and of course I took the time to start up my computer and then proceed to sit there like an idiot wondering what to do without being connected.

Needless to say, I was slightly disappointed in my find and won’t plan to make a repeat visit. The smell of old-person perfume masked the aroma of the coffee that I smelled outside. But I’m in luck. There are several other places around the area that look better. Maybe tomorrow I’ll venture to the St. Somewhere downtown West Bend, or maybe hit up a little place in one of the tiny towns around here. I’ll keep you posted.

But that's my car...

Well, it's been a long week of college fairs, and I'm finally home. Although getting there wasn't all that fun.

After driving three or so hours, I stopped by the office, where I accomplished absolutely nothing in my state of exhaustion. After that little waste of time, I drove the state car down to the fleet garage. I had received an email earlier in the week saying that the garage was having some roof work down and there would be a lot of equipment down there. I was also assured that I would be able to get my car out. In fact the exact words in the email were, "There is plenty of room to get your car out." Plenty of room? Maybe if you're a professional driver.

I found there to be somewhere between six and ten feet between the garage door and the large piece of firmly planted boom-lift truck on stilts. If I drove a Geo Metro or one of those new-fangled tiny electric cars, there would have been a possibility of getting out, but I drive a Lumina, and I'm no professional. As far as I could see, I would have had to turn my car exactly 90 degrees in a ten-foot square area, then drive it over top of a large wooden block where the stilt was planted, if I could fit the car at all between the edge of the building and the actual truck.

So, today, I still have the state car. No big deal. But, when I got home, I did have a slightly big deal. There were seven hornets happily inhabiting my home. Yucky. I recruited a neighbor to help kill what we could see, but today I'm still working on that project. Ugh.

The Luna

Coffee is perhaps the most amazing beverage ever invented. So, this year on the road, I decided that I must visit many more coffee shops that I had last year. And with big chunks of afternoons free on many days and a major corporation paying for it all, why not?

My first stop on the tour de shops is the Luna in De Pere, Wisconsin. De Pere is currently under a slight stage of construction (what's with Wisconsin and roundabouts anyway? I'll save that one for another day...) making it a little difficult to find the place downtown.

The atmosphere here is great. There is a wide variety of art on the well-worn rough brick walls. A bar area to sit at as well as tables, chairs, and lounge furniture. One wall has a vibrant mural sprawled across it, and a lot of their menus are hand-written in bright chalk...very cute. Music was perfectly mellow, too. They sell a variety of coffees, teas, t-shirts, and gifts.

The barista recommended the iced honey latte when I asked and it was pretty good. (I have yet to refine my coffee taste descriptions for the general population.....I'll be sure to work on that. Overall I have nothing to complain about.

So, if you're looking for a good place to stop for coffee in De Pere, Wisconsin, check out the Luna. I'll give it a four out of five for overall coolness.

Ground Potatoes and the Barefoot Mailman

Last week began the first week of many travels for the year. I started off my trails by heading to Iowa, a new concept, for those of you following my travel tails from last year. Iowa, over all was relatively uneventful, but there was one good story to come of it:

Traveling in Iowa can make a girl very hungry. Around lunchtime I found myself in the fun little town of Tripoli, Iowa. Now, if you've eve been to Tripoli, you are fully aware of the dining options available to a hungry person: a Casey's and a local grocery store. Not wanting to seem unusual in my out-of-town-ness, I stopped in at the gas station for quick entry and exit. They had three dried up pieces of pizza and some other fried assortments of things. I grabbed a bag of chips, a bottled soda, and some potato wedges that were about the only thing that didn't look like they would kill me. Actually, they looked pretty darn good. Not only were they potato wedges, but they were wedges covered in cheese and bacon. Mmmm. I get out to the car and unlock the door. As I'm sliding into the vehicle with all the grace of a drunken ostrich, the potatoes began to slip with the paper boat that they were housed in. I saw them going, but what's an uncoordinated girl to do? So I just watched them. Lap....car door....ground....Crap.

For a few seconds, I debated what to do. Do I leave them on the ground? They are, after all, on the ground, cheese side down, no good to anyone anymore as a decent meal. But it is a small town. They'll know the strange girl in the blue car dropped them and went lunchless. So, I quickly picked them all up, making sure to do the look-around-hoping-nobody-noticed-thing as I did it. I drove away sulking, knowing the potatoes now sitting back in their boat on the floor of my car were in an uneatable state. I found a nice little area park with lots of trees and a little stream running through it is a perfect spot to eat my chips-and-soda lunch.

But something was overwhelming my senses, making my mouth water and my mind wander. Man those potatoes smelled sooooo good. It was uncontrollable. I kept looking at them out of the corner of my eye....desiring to enjoy them. I reasoned with myself, "You cannot possibly eat those. They were on the ground...at a gas station. They could kill you. They are gross." "Yes, but they could not all have possibly hit the ground...and wouldn't all the dirt and deadly chemicals have stayed on the ground with the sticky cheese?" My split personalities decided that it would be ok to try just one...one that for sure did not actually hit the ground. Mistake. They tasted better than they smelled. Absolutely divine.

Needless to say, for those of you who know me well, they were gone in about five minutes. The mental battle of whether or not to eat them raged on with every bite, but they sure did end up gone.

Oh, and the barefoot mailman, you ask? Well, shortly after lunch, I went to the high school in Tripoli, and a huge panel van pulls up behind my car...you know the type, more rust than paint, scary shaggy-haired man behind the wheel...Well, he got out, grabbed piles of newspapers and a mail bag an proceeded to the school entrance. It wasn't until he was almost there that I noticed he was wearing no shoes, cut-off acid-wash jean-shorts, and his USPS uniform shirt mostly unbuttoned. The whole scene screamed, "WELCOME TO IOWA!"

Genesis 1:3

Have you ever pondered Genesis? I mean really meditated on it? At the rate I'm going, I think I'll be at it for a while (I have a goal of maybe a decade or so.)

Tonight I started over at the beginning, what some may say is a good place to start. I got through exactly three verses before I felt like I should stop. Verse three, for some reason caught my attention. Strange. The statement, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth" didn't stop me in my tracks...although I did end up going back and realizing the absolute gravity of that statement later.

But verse three says, "And God said, 'Let there be light,' and there was light." Hmm. Try as I may, I can't say, "Let there be [anything]." No matter what, nothing happens. No matter what I want, something has to happen for me to get it. If I want socks, I have to get them from the drawer. If I want pizza, I have to bake it or order it. I'll never be able to just make these things appear. Now imagine creating light. This is not the turning on the light switch kind of creating. This is the conceptualizing and then making from nothing light. What power is possessed! It's not even really comprehensible. Before God there was no light. No idea of light. God wanted it, and it was there.

I'm sure as I battle through the biggness of Genesis there will be many more baffled entries on the amazing depths of God.

Dimmer...No Switch Required

There's a strange phenomenon going on in my apartment lately. It's been getting dimmer, at a rapid rate. Light bulbs have been burning out with unheard of vigor. What constitutes as unheard of vigor, you may ask. How about five in the last three or so weeks. Well, six if you count the stolen one.

Today, I finally get the landlord over to change some burned out bulbs (fifteen foot ceilings make light bulb changing difficult), and he manages to replace two out of three main room bulbs. But he tragically runs out of bulbs, saving the other one for a later date. (If you're doing the math here, we haven't made five yet.) But somehow, today, ironically, one in the kitchen goes down after he left. Stranger than fiction, yes, but here's the reality. I had replaced one of four bulbs that I can actually reach in my entire apartment. That's right. There are four that I can reach: the four on the bathroom mirror. So, I managed to actually go out, buy bulbs, and replace one myself. This would be the fifth bulb. I decided to be energy friendly and spend the extra few bucks for an Energy Star bulb. (Fast facts of Energy Stars: they last ten years, they run at significantly less wattage, they save you money on monthly electric bills...they're not cheap.) Well, today, after the landlord was here, I go into my bathroom, and my Energy Star bulb is gone, replaced with your average wattage wasting, power hogging, short lasting bulb. So there goes a couple of eco-friendly bucks down the drain.

But my question to you is what possesses a person to steal a perfectly well working state of the art light bulb out of someone's bathroom? It is worrisome at best.

SAD

I think my Seasonal Affective Disorder is kicking in early this year. It has been something like a week since I have seen the sun, and I'm starting to get stir crazy. I want to be outside, playing. But alas, it rains again, and I'm stuck in my pseudo-cubical "working." Maybe Saturday it will be dry enough to get outside for a few minutes.

It'll be a long winter if my SAD is kicking in in the summer. ;)

Serious Post to Follow

Sorry for the serious post to follow. My most recent postings have been light and fun, but I had something I needed to get down on "paper" and out of my heart.

So, this is a quick forewarning about what's to come. It's serious, reflective, and personal. But I don't feel any shame in sharing it with you.

Solace in Only the Keyboard

I can't say I'm quite sure what has come over me lately. At the very time that I should be full and contented, I find myself distant, quiet, empty. After two weeks of being filled up by the wonders of family time and outdoor time, two of my most favorite times, I should be abounding with some crazy hyped up joy, but it's not there. This is not to say that I am feeling depressive or even sad. I'm not either of those things. Is it the pangs of lonesomeness? I don't feel lonely. Is it sheer exhaustion? I just don't feel tired.

I just feel quiet. And maybe that's not such a bad thing overall. There are always lessons to be learned, or being learned in the stillness. One thing I do feel is the need to learn, to dive deep into His word. I feel it, but strangely, there is no motivation to act. A paradox, I suppose. And a frustrating situation to be in: to crave what's ahead but refuse to move forward. Where does that leave me? Quiet.

What is next for me to learn? Leadership? Humbleness? Weakness? Brokenness? Joy? Do I need to understand more of God's holiness? Or the breadth of his majesty? I feel so insignificant and small to try to comprehend any of it. Where has my boldness in Christ gone? I feel so timid.

So for tonight, I sit in silence. TV off. Lights dim. Listening. Wondering what God will tell me, what could be in store.

I suppose as you read this (whomever decides it may be a worthwhile endeavor) you may be inclined to worry about me, assume I am in a negative, hurtful, even wrong spot in life. But don't worry for me because I am not sad. Not lonely, not afraid, not hurt. Simply quiet. Tomorrow could reveal a different heart inside me, one of joy, boldness, literally full of song....or you may find me quiet, just as today. But know that I am held by Christ, loved deeply. And one of these days the motivation will come. The quietness will go. And I will have taken another turn on the Potter's wheel, becoming more of who I was meant to be.

Trips!

Boy has it been a whirlwind of a past few weeks. Life was supposed to slow down for me, and in a way it did, but I sure am exhausted either way.

I just got back from Wyoming Saturday. But before I discuss that trip, let's go back a little further. The week before last I was in sunny, beautiful Door County, Wisconsin with my mom. This was the first trip my mom and I had taken just the two of us, so neither of us were really sure what to expect. We ended up having a great time. We ate way too much food at very fun eateries and shopped at a lot of fun shops, spending way too much money overall. But, hey, isn't that what vacation is for? Watch for pictures coming soon.

And as for Wyoming...I love Wyoming. It is a very peaceful place. Well most of it is. I can't say I'd want to live there. Many people don't really take care of their homes and surrounding areas, making much of the inhabitable locations in the state look like dumps. But the Medicine Bow Mountains make up for the dumpy homesteads. We hiked three days, and managed to climb the highest peak in the range, topping out somewhere over 12,000 feet. We were tired and sunburned, but it was still so worth the work. Plans are in the works to tackle the tallest peaks in other ranges in future years, but we're no expert climbers by any means, so we may take it slow...right Dad? (He seems to think that we can tackle something over 14,000 feet....more than 20 miles of trail in a day...I'm not so sure.) But watch for pictures of this adventure coming soon too.

The most frightening and disheartening moments came long after both trips, on my way back home. Torrential rains hit northeast Iowa last night with thunder and lightning in magnificent (and somewhat pant-wetting) style. I debated whether to wait it out or race it home, but as it turns out, ended up doing neither. I hesitated and went back to my parents house on the first attempt when the rains first started coming. I knew if I couldn't see at 20 miles per hour, there would be no possibility at 70. After about a half hour of more rain, lightning, and thunder, I decided maybe I should just try to outrun it. (Not the best idea I've ever had, but I'm alive to tell about it.)

So I ended up taking off in the thick of the storm, and highway travel, usually hitting around 70 miles an hour, was creeping along at somewhere between 35 and 45. The lightning was blinding, brighter than daylight. The thunder shook my car. And the rain was arguably worse than white-out snow conditions. I had never really driven through anything like that before, and I couldn't decide whether to pull over and wait or keep trying to beat it. For about an hour and a half I fought it, reasoning that what was coming behind me had to be worse than what was still in front of me. But I made it. I'm a live. It was scary.

When I got home, there was more of the same. A backed up toilet that was nastier than nasty that I refused to use, a leaky window dripping water all over my bedroom, and three burned out light bulbs that I couldn't reach. Grumpily I crawled on to the couch and wrestled with the covers for the next few hours until it was time to get up and go back to work. Ugh. I'm just glad its all over.

Ah, but no rest for the weary. Tonight is volleyball. (My team rocks.) Thursday starts real work, and next week starts training for the fall. I need groceries, bathroom stuff, sleep. But you know what, it was so worth it.

Back to reality.

Oh Yeah....Now I Remember.

Have you ever had the conversation with someone that goes something like this:

"Well, what do you want to do tonight?"
"I don't know. What do you want to do?"
"Oh, I don't know. I really hadn't come up with a plan."

Really?!? No plan? Even after I told you on the phone to come up with a plan before you got here? Ugh.

Well, I have to say that my pessimistic premonitions of tonight were mostly correct. This guy was sweet, nice enough, I guess. But I can't say I was overly impressed. There are just a few rules you should probably follow when attempting to date me (men, you maybe want to pay attention to this part):

1) Show up with a plan. If I don't like your plan, I will voice my opinion. But that opinion is nothing compared to the one you'll here if you come with no plan.

2) Hold a door or two. This one is not mandatory, but use some common sense. Walking three to ten feet in front of me is not an option...and neither is leaving the passenger door locked when you get in your side of the car. Come on. It won't kill you.

3) The "F" word is not a turn on, so turn it off. If I hear it, even once, I've pretty much already checked out for the night. Two or three times, and I have the deep desire to wash your mouth out with soap.

Is that so hard? I mean, three little rules, and one is more like a guideline than a rule anyway.

Are arranged marriages legal in this country? The prospect of that rather than another first date is seeming better and better all the time. Mom, Dad, I'll maybe even let you pick him out.

Dating...ugh.

Why Do I Hate First Dates?!?

Can someone tell me why I hate first dates so much? They aren't really all that bad I guess, but for some reason they are ultimate torture for me. No one is really themselves on first dates. They are a little more suave (or at least make the attempt), a little more chatty (or maybe less chatty)...just different. I just want to be myself, you know? Where are the best friend-type guys that I've been myself around for the past few years then fall in love with? Oh, well, um...I guess I never really had many of those. Kind of wishing now that I did. Stupid romance movies that set unrealistic expectations in my head of how love should just fall together.

I hate first dates.

Even Universities Have Bullies

Today I was badgered by a higher administration bully, who will remain nameless. This person will from hence forth be known as "Big Wig" for this story's purposes.

So Big calls our office looking for some fast facts...and she wants them, well, fast. She first badgers Marcia a while with questions Marcia doesn't know the answer to. Marcia puts her on hold and sends her call to me. I was then badgered and mentally flogged for a few minutes with questions that I didn't have any answers to...followed by a dramatic story of her own ingenuity and creativity. Feeling better all the time...Big was also not afraid to let me sit in silence on the end of the phone line, squirming like a worm on a hook. Since my quick-thinking skills didn't seem to be engaged for the morning and Big was willing to wait for them to kick in, I told her I'd call her back in ten. Ten later, I did call, and she seemed strangely surprised...weird. But overall, the bully was impressed with my answers, or at least didn't protest them publicly. And I could restart my non-beating heart knowing I had past the test. Whew.

Bullies...

Oh yeah, I have a bike...and a guiltar!

So, I moved into my apartment back in May, and now July is almost over. There have been a few things that have not moved since they were moved in to their new home. As you can probably guess, those would be my bike and my guitar.

So today, it was such a beautiful day (actually, this whole week has been pretty darn amazing) so I decided to drag that untouched bike outside and find a place to ride. And, as it turns out, Belmont has a pretty nice gravel ATV trail that goes about a million miles in either direction. Ok, so I really have no idea how far it goes...I only went a few miles one way. Turns out that I'm pretty out of shape due to the extreme lack of bike riding that has taken place lately. Darn paradigm of physical activity. Anyway, I had a very nice bike ride with only the occasional interruption of the passing ATVs.

Well, the guitar doesn't need much explaining. I finally pulled it out of its corner, dusted off the case, and tuned it up. Lack of playing made me pretty rusty, but I didn't really mind.

On a completely unrelated note, please pray for my friend Julie. Wednesday she's having back surgery to fix two herniated disks in her back. For the next six weeks she won't be able to pick up either of her beautiful babies. It'll be tough for the whole family to get through, and they'll need extra prayers.

On yet another unrelated note, New Student Registration is over! I'm excited to have made it though. And I love my Peer Advisors. They did so great! But I'm also pretty sad. Now what am I going to do at the office? I fear it will get pretty boring working on computer stuff or analyzing data related to our mailings. Whoo yeah. Should be a thrill ride from here on out. Good thing I have Julie's family to keep me company.

Most Memorable Learning Experience

A while back, the question was raised: What was your most memorable learning experience. It was on a silly little personal profile for school, and I may have gotten a little carried away with it. But after I posted it, I decided that I liked my answer, and I wanted to share it with you. So, here it is, my most memorable learning experience (so far):

The task of choosing one specific moment in my life that I could consider the most memorable learning experience seems a little daunting to me. How can I choose just one? All of life, every moment really, is a series of learning experiences for me.

Looking back over life, there were lessons of falling down and getting back up again- running, first solo bike ride, roller blades…Tears and fears are pushed aside in a moment of growth and persistence. There were lessons of life, love, and loss- first crushes, goldfish lifespans, a family member passing away…And although I would never discredit the power of these life-altering lessons, these are not necessarily the lessons I remember the most.

The moments that show that limits aren't really limits, that persistence can pay off, that the heart is far stronger than you think it ever could be, these leave feelings that are always with you, bringing on a set of emotions that you never want to forget.

I once stood atop a towering waterfall looking over the edge to the deep cool waters below. Petrified of heights, my heart raced, and I wanted nothing more than to retreat to the safety of solid ground. A friend suggested we take the plunge which sounded more than crazy to me. I would never…I could never. But something urged me back to the ledge, a change was taking place, one I could not keep at bay. A wild grin came across my face as I leaned out a little farther. In a flash I was flying, soaring through the air. With a thunderous splash into icy cold water, it was over. "I could never," became "I can," became "I did!" And now, I know without a doubt that I can fly.